Boosie Served Restraining Order After Showing Up To Lil Nas X home With A Boombox

Boosie Badazz has been completely obsessed with fellow rapper Lil Nas X ever since the young star gained fame with his hit songs ‘Old Town Road’ and ‘MONTERO,’ but last night Boosie took it a step too far. Lil Nas … Continue reading Boosie Served Restraining Order After Showing Up To Lil Nas X home With A Boombox

Proud Boys Shocked Afro-Cuban Leader is Informant

Proud Boys Somehow Shocked Their Afro-Cuban Leader Named ‘Enrique Tarrio’ Is Likely To Be FBI Informant

Members of the white nationalist, neo-fascist, far-right political organization the Proud Boys say they feel “shocked and betrayed” after finding out that their non-white leader Enrique Tarrio is likely to be a an FBI informant and that he might have … Continue reading Proud Boys Somehow Shocked Their Afro-Cuban Leader Named ‘Enrique Tarrio’ Is Likely To Be FBI Informant

Trump Enacts Waiting Period, Background Checks on Purchase of Bumble Bee Tuna

Emphasizing that they’re the perfect size and weight to throw at police officers, Donald Trump signed an executive order today placing a 10-day waiting period on the purchase of Bumble Bee tuna across the country. The new law also requires … Continue reading Trump Enacts Waiting Period, Background Checks on Purchase of Bumble Bee Tuna

Raw: Big Bird Explains Racism to Kids by Beating Elmo Senseless on CNN Town Hall

CNN has come under fire after their town hall on racism this morning took a dark turn. Parents across the country are now voicing their outrage after the news channel allowed the Sesame Street character Big Bird to beat the … Continue reading Raw: Big Bird Explains Racism to Kids by Beating Elmo Senseless on CNN Town Hall

Rioters Destroy Police Station, Leaving Just Three More Poorly-Disguised Horcruxes

Despite deadly counter-charms and curses, another horcrux was destroyed by rioters in Minneapolis last night. Witnesses say that the horcrux, which was poorly disguised as the Third Precinct Police Building, tried to protect itself by apparating countless angry men from … Continue reading Rioters Destroy Police Station, Leaving Just Three More Poorly-Disguised Horcruxes

Officer Shouts 'They've All Got a Gun!' While Planting Giant WWI Cannon in Crowd

Officer Shouts ‘They’ve All Got a Gun!’ After Wheeling WWI Canon Into Crowd

Police officers are under investigation for grand theft and possession of a prohibited weapon after wheeling a WWI cannon from nearby Gold Medal Park and leaving it in a crowd of protesters in downtown Minneapolis. Three officers have been put … Continue reading Officer Shouts ‘They’ve All Got a Gun!’ After Wheeling WWI Canon Into Crowd

Future Murderer Torn Between Becoming a Serial Killer or a Police Officer

Confident that he’d like to murder at least one person, 17-year-old Thomas Wilkins of Genesee, Wisconsin says he’s torn between becoming a serial killer or a police officer. “Next year I’ll be 18, which means I’ll be old enough to … Continue reading Future Murderer Torn Between Becoming a Serial Killer or a Police Officer

Trump: “Let’s All Just Say Half of the Pledge and Call It a Day”

“I’d be fine if Americans just recited half of the Pledge of Allegiance and then carried on with school or whatever.” – Trump Continue reading Trump: “Let’s All Just Say Half of the Pledge and Call It a Day”

A Furious, Confused Sarah Palin Lashes Out at Black Lives Matter

“Obviously black people love sports, and that’s why their babies are born during the basketball season, and football, and for those Kenyan blacks – the spring track season,” said Palin. Continue reading A Furious, Confused Sarah Palin Lashes Out at Black Lives Matter

New iPhone Application Encourages Users to Drive Drunk

“You are swerving,” the program warns, ” try closing one eye.”

Additionally, there are several celebrity voice options to choose from, such as: Mel Gibson, Betty White, and Lindsey Lohan, to name a few.

While driving, your phone will tell you how many miles you have left to your destination, all the while, reciting Continue reading New iPhone Application Encourages Users to Drive Drunk