In a measured, peaceful, yet offensive response to attacks on US troops in Iraq, president Trump ordered the Air Force to drop over a billion tons of bacon dust over Iran’s capital city of Tehran. “With pork being the only … Continue reading Trump Strikes Back: US drops bacon all over Iran’s capital
President Trump’s approval rating amongst the left jumped from 7.2% to 42.7% after Russian President Vladimir Putin announced a new, deadly, and unmatched hypersonic weapon yesterday. Democrats now admit that Trump’s submissive and subservient approach with Russia makes perfect sense. … Continue reading Democrats now glad Trump has been Putin’s little bitch after Russia announces new hypersonic weapon
The largest military force in the world is in shambles after trying and failing to make an 18 year war with “that ignorant slut Afghanistan” work. Clearly shaken, the US military finally came to grips with reality after longtime friend, … Continue reading Heartbroken: US military is distraught after “wasting 18 good years on that ignorant slut Afghanistan”
PornHub CEO Mike Zoffler and countless other companies from the industry have revealed that literally all of the legal pornography on the internet is being stored 375 feet under the Arctic ice in a remote location. Notably, there’s a global … Continue reading All of the porn on the internet is being preserved in this Arctic cave
“It’s convoluted as [expletive]!” Senator Bernie Sanders stated. “The document obsesses over mechanical pencils and references outdated world news without context, but oddly enough everything ‘Trump’ now makes sense.” Continue reading Leaked! White House Security Briefing Shows Insanity in Trump Administration
Trump is trying to rectify the situation by sending Civil War participation trophies to his seething supporters. Continue reading Nationwide Removal of All Confederate Statues Begins as Participation Trophies are Sent to Grieving Southerners
“It appears that he was not remotely aware of the situation and still probably isn’t.” Continue reading Trump Threatens Italy as Florence Strikes Coast
In an emotional response, U.S. President Donald Trump has tweeted a well-thought-out message to the world regarding the alarming missile launch today over Japan: Continue reading Trump: ‘South Koreans Have Fired Japan Over Itself With a Nuclear Missile’
The North Korean leader then flipped open a glass-encased red button, pressed it, and was immediately torn apart – along with the rest of his country – by a faulty nuclear missile. Continue reading North Korea Accidentally Nukes Itself
There is, in fact, a 5th hijacked plan from 9/11 that is still flying above our borders, with hostages. Let that sink in, because I know I had to as well. Let’s just pause to think about that.” Continue reading 5th Hijacked Plane from 9/11 Still Flying
