President Trump’s fourth remedial English tutor in three years has quit, citing irreconcilable differences regarding words, their accurate usage, how they are spelled and their correct pronunciation. “Mr. Trump may ‘have the best words,’ but they’re frequently made-up or misspelled,” … Continue reading Trump’s 4th remedial English tutor quits citing irreconcilable differences
Unfettered by the conventions of social media and email, suburban Moms across the country snapped pictures of their kids’ first day of school to mail to every relative they can think of; making this the only known scenario in which … Continue reading Moms are taking first day of school photos to mail to distant relatives for some reason
Retired Naval Officer tops the list of most desired professions for new college graduates. Did your job make the cut? 10. Software Engineer 9. Small Woodland Creature 8. Cadaver Marionette 7. Average-sized Woodland Creature 6. Betty White’s Stunt Double 5. … Continue reading The most sought after jobs for Gen Z college grads are not what you’d think
Teachers get ready for another underfunded school year full of ADHD and mass shootings. Continue reading Countless Students Spot Their Teachers Stocking Up On Franzia Boxed Wine & Antidepressants in Preparation for the School Year
“You can rest assured that somewhere, in an existing but undetectable universe, another version of you is out there having a meaningful, fulfilling life.” Continue reading Yes, There’s a Parallel Universe Where You Aren’t a Total Piece of Shit
“At this point teachers must be making, what? $125 thousand a year and they won’t stop complaining?” DeVos stated. “We have to push back against these union thugs who are always striking.” Continue reading Betsy DeVos Removes ‘Appreciation’ From National Teacher Appreciation Day
Mr. Cox has locked Eric Trump in the White House’s cold storage room next to the bowling alley in an attempt to show that air pollution does not harm humans. Continue reading Eric Trump is Currently Locked in a Room That’s Being Pumped Full of Pollution
“In retrospect, I picked the wrong book to read to them.” Louisiana Governor John Edwards stated. “I chose Seuss’ first published work The Pocket Book of Boners and by the time I finished reading the title all hell had broken loose.” Continue reading Americans Shatter Book-Burning Record on Read Across America Day
“The letter went on in vivid detail describing the painting process, preferred makeup brands, how to wash mascara out of your underwear, and more.” Continue reading Virginia Politician: “What if We Only Painted Our Genitals?”
The 1,750 calorie meal has made its return for the month of February only. Continue reading McDonald’s is Giving Away Red Heart Disease Awareness T-Shirts With Purchase of Grand Big Mac Meal
“I’ve been calling it ‘Global Warming,’ but that’s just a trick folks; a term I use to make snowball jokes. My God, I’m so stupid.” Continue reading Trump Admits ‘The Polar Vortex is Caused by Climate Change’
Doctors have voiced concerns over the ingestion of coal by minors. Continue reading West Virginia Serving ‘Clean Coal’ in Public School Lunches
