Rudy Giuliani was suspended from practicing law in the state of New York today after an appellate court ruled that there was undeniable evidence that he “communicated false and misleading statements to courts, lawmakers and the public at large as … Continue reading Trump: ‘Whoever This Rudy Guy Is, He Sounds Really Screwed!’
Critical of the US military, racist Fox News host Laura Ingraham shared a theory that the United States should defund the military if it plans to support the teaching of critical race theory. The TV host spoke out about the … Continue reading Critical Racist Laura Ingraham Has Theory That US Should Defund The Military
President Joe Biden delivered a speech today in which he stated that if more insurrectionists wanted to try to take down the government that they would need weapons such as F-15’s and nukes to even have a chance against the … Continue reading Insurrectionist Who’s Mad US Military Will Defend Country From Him Is Demanding Access To F-15’s, Nukes
A study released by Harvard University today revealed that of the top 100 wealthiest Americans, nearly 90% claimed that they were either “close” or “very close” to liking the United States enough to start paying taxes. “As our wealth swells, … Continue reading Study: Wealthiest Americans ‘Extremely Close’ To Liking Country Enough To Pay Taxes
The United States Supreme Court ruled 9-0 today in favor of allowing the pedophile-ridden Catholic Church to ban LGBTQ+ individuals from adopting children from any of their organizations. The Church released a brief and disturbing statement after the court’s decision. … Continue reading Supreme Court Says World’s Largest Pedophile Ring Can Dictate Who’s Allowed To Adopt Children
Representative Matt Gaetz (R-FL) was ticketed for the fourth time yesterday by Fort Walton Beach Police for repeatedly driving back and forth in front of a high school at 10 to 15 miles per hour below the speed limit. Authorities … Continue reading Matt Gaetz Ticketed Again For Driving Too Slowly In School Zone
Bewildered by their political counterparts, Senate Democrats voted today to form a new commission that will hopefully help them to understand exactly how Republicans are able to live with themselves. Referred to as the F.A.C.T.S. Commission – short for Finding … Continue reading Senate Democrats Form New Commission To Investigate How Republicans Can Live With Themselves
Reports of an extreme uptick in unruly behavior by conservative passengers has prompted Spirit Airlines to announce that they are now supplying crew members with tasers. “In an average year, there are around 100 to 150 cases of bad passenger … Continue reading Unruly Conservatives Will Be Tased ‘Mercilessly & Without Warning’ On Spirit Airlines
Mitch McConnell (R-KY) was seen hypnotizing fellow Republicans on the Senate floor today with the clear goal of making them feel okay with voting ‘no’ on the January 6th commission. “Voting against the Capitol insurrection investigation in no way implies … Continue reading ‘Saying No To The Commission Doesn’t Imply We’re Guilty’ McConnell Chants With Hypnotized Republicans
A poll released today revealed that 53% of Republicans firmly believe that Donald Trump is currently the real president of the United States. What’s more, another 63% say he should still run again in 2024. But if Trump were truly … Continue reading 53% Of Republicans Think Trump Is Legally The Current President; If True He Won’t Be Able To Run In 2024 Due To Term Limits
Senator Rand Paul (R-KY) is facing up to 5 years in jail for tax evasion after telling reporters today that he had “already paid taxes once before, so why would I pay them again?” When pressed for more information, Paul … Continue reading Rand Paul Says He Has ‘Immunity’ From Taxes Because He Already Paid Them Once Before
CNN cut ties with former political commentator and two-time failed GOP presidential candidate Rick Santorum today after realizing that he was just a half-baked ham balancing on an empty suit. CNN, who had allowed Santorum to be on air since … Continue reading CNN Fires Rick Santorum After Realizing He’s Just A Half-Baked Ham Balancing On An Empty Suit
Dr. Anthonoy Fauci released a statement today warning Americans that as mask mandates are lifted “it will become harder and harder to spot the assholes in a crowd.” “Watching people scream in public and refuse to wear masks will soon … Continue reading Fauci Warns ‘It’ll Be Harder To Spot The Assholes’ As Mask Mandates Are Lifted
After casting votes to oust Liz Cheney from her position of power today, House Republicans immediately voted to send the representative off to a new re-education camp for Republicans who won’t completely back Donald Trump. Notably, the camp is run … Continue reading Liz Cheney Sent To Re-Education Camp To Learn How To ‘Reject The Evidence Of Her Eyes & Ears’
After realizing that his Republican colleagues were not going to do anything to stop him, a nervous Matt Gaetz worked up the courage today to send a $900 Venmo payment to his longtime friend and fellow alleged sexual predator Joel … Continue reading ‘Just One More & Then I’ll Stop’ Sweaty Matt Gaetz Whispers To Himself Before Pressing Pay On Venmo
A new anti-abortion bill is close to becoming law in Texas after it passed 83-64 in the House yesterday. Senate Bill 8 would allow doctors to halt the hearts of pregnant women while they check to see if the fetus … Continue reading Texas Law Would Allow Doctors To Stop Mother’s Heartbeat In Order To Listen For Fetus’
