Party-Curious Kyrsten Sinema Switches From Democrat To Independent Just To See What People Say Before Totally Coming Out As Republican

The very brave, former Democrat Krysten Sinema decided to admit to her colleagues today that she is, in fact, an independent. “This may come as a shock to some,” Sinema stated. “But I cannot be more honest when I say … Continue reading Party-Curious Kyrsten Sinema Switches From Democrat To Independent Just To See What People Say Before Totally Coming Out As Republican

Tucker Carlson Livid That The Green M&M Is ‘No Longer Fuckable’

According to sources at Fox News, entertainer Tucker Carlson has spent the last few days disillusioned, crying and upset that the Mars company has made their green M&M character “less sexy” by swapping out her high heels for regular shoes. … Continue reading Tucker Carlson Livid That The Green M&M Is ‘No Longer Fuckable’

dodgers change name to dogers after new sponsorship from dogecoin

Dodgers Move Forward With Name Change After New Sponsorship By Dogecoin

The team formerly known as the Los Angeles Dodgers now bears a slightly-adjusted, new name and team mascot. Now recognized as the Dogers, after Dogecoin became the team’s new sponsor, the new mascot will be the a Shiba Inu dog … Continue reading Dodgers Move Forward With Name Change After New Sponsorship By Dogecoin

antivaxers need dna change

Individuals Fearful Of Vaccine Are Same People Who’d Benefit From DNA Change

A loud minority of Americans are currently refusing to be injected with the COVID vaccine due to unfounded concerns that the shots will change their DNA. “Despite the fact that mRNA vaccines do not impact or interact with your DNA … Continue reading Individuals Fearful Of Vaccine Are Same People Who’d Benefit From DNA Change

Chiefs QB Patrick Mahomes Gives His MVP Trophy to a Nearby Native American Tribe

“If this will lift the curse from constructing Arrowhead Stadium on an Indian burial ground, then we’re willing to let it slide.” – Chiefs CEO Clark Hunt Continue reading Chiefs QB Patrick Mahomes Gives His MVP Trophy to a Nearby Native American Tribe

Elizabeth Warren Recommends Changing Your Dreamcatcher Filter Every Spring

“My dreams became littered with terrifying sex monsters that attacked my┬álesbian lover Barb.” – Elizabeth Warren Continue reading Elizabeth Warren Recommends Changing Your Dreamcatcher Filter Every Spring

Washington Redskins Justify Keeping Name in 2019 by Drafting a Native American in the First Round

“The Washington Redskins select any Native American. That’s right. Any. Just send anyone, but preferably someone athletic or okay with doing commercials.”
Continue reading Washington Redskins Justify Keeping Name in 2019 by Drafting a Native American in the First Round

Cher Pens Deal With Facebook: Get Ready for ‘Big Changes’

“After listening to Cher’s pitch we had a meeting of the minds at Facebook headquarters,” stated Zuckerberg. “The adjustments we are slated to make will not change the user experience overall, but simply help Cher to increase her marketability. The move was a no-brainer on the whole.” Continue reading Cher Pens Deal With Facebook: Get Ready for ‘Big Changes’