Was it a cult leader or a world leader? Are you smart enough to know whether it was Charles Manson or Donald Trump who said these 10 quotes? [Grab a pencil. Answer key after article] 1. “Believe me, if I started murdering people, there’d be none of you left.” 2. “There’s nothing wrong with being incompetent. It just means you don’t have to do as much.” 3. “I’m the king of this whole planet. I’m gonna rule this whole world.” 4. “I’m the pope. I’m ten times the pope. I’m sixty times the pope.” 5. “What the hell would I wanna go off and go to work for? Work for what? Money? I got all the money in the world. I’m the king, man. I run the underworld, guy. I decide who does what and where they do it at. What am I gonna run around like some teeny bopper somewhere for someone else’s money? I make the money man, I roll the nickels. The game is mine. I deal the cards.” 6. “Words are your words. You invented the words, and you made a dictionary and you gave me the dictionary and you said, ‘These are what the words mean.’ Well, this is what they mean to you, but to someone else, they have got a different dictionary.” 7. “They’re gonna take your courtrooms. They’re gonna take your money and they’re gonna take your country. They’re gonna take your resources.” 8. “You people would convict a grilled cheese sandwich of murder and the people wouldn’t question it.” 9. “You know, a long time ago being crazy meant something. Nowadays everybody’s crazy.” 10. “I was so smart when I was a kid that I learnt that I was dumb fast.” Scroll Down For Answer Key …..….…… Answers 1-10: Charles Manson. Although all of these statements sound like something Donald Trump would say, they are all quotes from cult leader Charles Manson.
An unidentified protester in Portland, Oregon lit several Bibles and an American flag on fire last night, causing outrage across the country. What happened next will warm your heart. The man wasn’t burned, brutally attacked, arrested or otherwise injured. He later delivered a moving address, stating that his actions represent the beauty of living in a somewhat-free nation that protects your right to free speech. “I’d like to thank our men and women in uniform for fighting for my right to burn this flag and holy book in order to make a statement about my dissatisfaction with the current state of our country,” the protester declared. “And if you care more about some cloth, paper, and ink burning than you do the systematic killing of living and breathing human beings, then maybe you should reevaluate your life.”
President Trump is sending federal agents to the US suburbs in order to show citizens just “how easy it is to take their mail.” The move comes in an effort to prove that mail-in ballots will cause large-scale voter fraud and that the voting method should be outlawed for the 2020 election. “These fine men and women will be coming to a neighborhood near you in unmarked vans to steal your mail, because that’s how it will happen folks!” Trump stated. “They’ll come in unmarked vans and take the ballots! Believe me. Believe me.” Legal experts say that agents found stealing mail will likely be convicted of mail fraud. The president countered this claim, stating that federal agents have jurisdiction over mailboxes. Notably, Trump voted by mail in the 2020 Florida primary and the 2017 New York mayoral election. Moreover, experts state that every type of voter fraud in US elections is negligible when compared to the number of ballots cast and is unlikely to influence an election. As of press time Trump was looking for additional reasons to delay or deny a 2020 election loss.
President Trump told reporters today that he believed that mail-in voting for the 2020 election would result in the most inaccurate and fraudulent election in history. Trump added that he’d be “much more comfortable” having Russia oversee the mail-in ballots in order to have an “unbiased entity handle the results.” “It’s either delay the election until the virus disappears or allow a trustworthy country like Russia to assist us with the mail-ins,” Trump stated. “As you’ll recall Russia has yet to be found doing anything wrong when it comes to US domestic or foreign policy. Everything was all a big Democrat hoax, so Russia has been cleared – and very recently too – making them a smart choice to provide support in the 2020 election.” Notably, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell says he stands by Trump’s proposed Russia-lead voting solution; signaling key support from leadership that Trump will need to push a measure through Congress. “We need to either delay the election or mail our ballots directly to Moscow,” a fully supportive Mitch McConnell stated. “Because if one thing is for certain, it’s that we can trust Putin, but we cannot trust that the liberal voters in this country will not be cheating.” Moments later, Russian leader Vladimir Putin expressed his clear willingness to help. “Of course Russia will assist our great ally the United States of America with their upcoming fair and democratic election,” Putin grinned with steepled fingers. “Sure, we’ve already spent $11.7 billion to make the voting machines work to Mr. Trump’s liking – but what are friends for?” Photo Credit Peter Stevens
President Trump shared a video on Twitter yesterday featuring a doctor named Stella Immanuel who claimed that she’s cured COVID-19 with hydroxychloroquine. Within minutes of posting the video, it was revealed that Dr. Immanuel also believes that having sexual intercourse with demons is the cause of diseases and that the government is run by reptilians. “If this source is good enough for Donald, then it is good enough for me,” an elated Melania Trump stated. “So beginning today – for personal health reasons – I will no longer be fulfilling any sexual aspects of my marriage contract until someone can prove to me that my husband isn’t an evil lizard-demon.” As of press time vice president Mike Pence said that he “fully supported” Melania’s decision, admitting that he has “never had sex with Mother for any reason other than procreation.”
After public outcry over unidentifiable federal agents snagging protesters from their unmarked vans, Attorney General William Barr says that the agents will now be much, much easier for protesters to spot. “Those involved in Operation Legend will now be wearing brown shirts and red armbands,” Barr confirmed. “Agents will also be identifiable by a signature salute, which is performed by extending the right arm from the neck straight out into the air with an open, flat hand.” Barr paused to demonstrate the salute in front of stunned reporters and then continued his explanation. “Tonight, if you can hear over the screaming and gunfire, you may also hear these agents shouting ‘Hail Trump!’ when they salute, but for now we’ve made that optional,” Barr confirmed. “So to reiterate, men in brown shirts with red armbands will be rounding people up in major cities across the nation. So nobody is allowed to be surprised by what comes next, because we really couldn’t be any clearer.”
(Hibbing, Minnesota) The very last brain cell of diehard Trump supporter Doug Wilkins is dead sure that liberals are going to stop wearing masks now that the president has called putting on the protective gear a ‘patriotic’ act. “The president is using reverse psychology to expose the libs and the fake news,” Wilkins laughed. “Trump is playing three dimensional chess. You’ll see. None of them will be wearing masks.” Hours later, after having gone outside only to see everyone was still wearing masks, Wilkins’ last brain cell began having its second complete thought of the day. “I’m either going to have to give in and wear a mask or decide that Trump has become an emasculated, virtue signaling cuck who has given into liberal mask-wearing propaganda,” Wilkins realized out loud right before his head exploded. Photo credit Lorie Shaull