Democrats are filling the empty seats left open by Republicans for the State of the Union with blow up dolls that have angry Vladimir Putin faces taped to them. Notably, the large number of vacant seats is due to Republicans … Continue reading Empty Seats At State Of The Union Filled With Angry, Blow-Up Putins So That Biden Still Gets Exact Same Reactions
Most Republicans in Congress have decided against attending today’s State of the Union. The decision came after they realized that – due to the Russian ruble’s drop in value – they’re suddenly broke and unable to buy new clothes for … Continue reading Due To Ruble Crash, Republicans Who Can’t Afford New Outfits Won’t Attend State Of The Union
A new bill focused on student gender and sexuality has been introduced in San Francisco, stirring up controversy in the Bay Area and around the country. If passed, the law would require teachers to assume that all students are part … Continue reading San Francisco Bill Treats All Students As Gay Unless They ‘Come Out’ As Straight
President Joe Biden spoke with Russian president Vladimir Putin today in an effort to de-escalate incredibly high tensions surrounding what looked to be an inevitable invasion of Ukraine. As the two men were nearing the end of what seemed like … Continue reading Loud Biden Fart Makes Putin Smile For First Time In Years & Call Off Ukraine Invasion
U.S. District Court Judge Jed Rakoff, who is presiding over the Sarah Palin vs. New York Times libel trial, stunned those in the courtroom today when he abruptly threw out the entire case while Palin was on the stand. “None … Continue reading Judge Throws Out Sarah Palin Libel Case Because ‘Nobody Ever Knows What The Hell She’s Talking About’
Maggie Haberman’s new book “Confidence Man: The Making of Donald Trump and the Breaking of America” reveals that throughout the Trump presidency White House staff would find documents clogging the toilet adjacent to the Oval Office – sometimes resulting in … Continue reading Trump Repeatedly Flushed Official Documents Down The Toilet & Flooded The Oval Office
A fuming mad Donald Trump Jr. showed up unannounced at Marco Rubio’s West Miami house late Wednesday night after he figured out that the Florida senator had lied when he said Biden was giving out free meth and crack pipes. … Continue reading A Furious Don Jr. Showed Up At Marco Rubio’s House After Biden Refused To Give Him A Free Crack Pipe
Despite clearing their browser histories, Ron DeSantis and dozens of fellow Florida republicans are having an extremely difficult time getting themselves to stop thinking about gay kids. “Anything relating to the queers has to be considered sexual; even their very … Continue reading Despite Clearing Browser Histories, FL Republicans Still Unable To Stop Thinking About Gay Kids
News broke today that former president Donald Trump may have violated the Presidential Records Act hundreds of times due to his incredibly odd habit of tearing up and eating official government documents. “Mr. Trump ate sensitive articles, letters, schedules, briefings, … Continue reading Trump Violated The Presidential Records Act By Tearing Up & Eating Hundreds Of Official Documents
Countless resorts and businesses across Cancun boarded up their windows and doors yesterday as citizens, tourists and the cartel all fled the city upon hearing that Ted Cruz would be degrading the area with his presence again while he escaped … Continue reading Resorts In Cancun Abandoned As City Braces For Approaching Ted Cruz
Numbers released today by the American Yachting Association reveal that a record amount of ‘superyachts’ were sold last year in the United States. Economists and the super rich alike say this is a sign that the American poor and middle … Continue reading Jeff Bezos: Record Number Of ‘Superyachts’ Sold Last Year Shows America’s Poor & Middle Class Still Know Their Fucking Place
White House press secretary Jen Psaki accidentally told reporters today that President Joe Biden was selecting his nominee for Supreme Court justice by flipping a coin. “Mr. Biden will have a pick shortly. There’s just one more coin flip to … Continue reading Biden Down To Final Coin Flip To Determine Who He’ll Nominate To The Supreme Court
After admitting that he purposely collapsed an entire bridge in Pennsylvania injuring 10 people, President Joe Biden told a stunned crowd today that he’ll “fucking do it again” until the Republicans stop trying to take credit for Democrats passing the … Continue reading Biden Says He’ll Blow Up One Bridge Per Day Until Republicans Stop Taking Credit For Infrastructure Bill
Fox News host Tucker Carlson spent an entire hour last night attacking the Biden family for allegedly declawing the new White House cat. The decision to focus on the topic came despite the fact that nobody at Fox had confirmed … Continue reading Dressed As A Cat, Tucker Carlson Claims Biden Declawed New White House Pet In ‘Thiny-Veiled Attack On 2nd Amendment’
The Supreme Court will soon have 10 members as Joe Biden announced today that he will be replacing the retiring justice Breyer with not one, but two justices. “When they told me I gotta replace Breyer I asked, ‘Why would … Continue reading Biden Says He’ll Pack The Supreme Court With Ben & Jerry After Breyer Retires
Upon hearing that Joe Biden called Fox News journalist Peter Doocy a “stupid son of a bitch,” former president Donald Trump gave a public statement rebuking Biden. “We’ve got sleepy, creepy Joe being so rude, so unfair, so unpresidential,” Trump … Continue reading Trump: ‘I Would Never Attack A Single Disgusting, Dishonest, Low-Rated, Enemy Of The People, Fake News Journalist!’
Multiple reports from Washington D.C. and West Virginia residents are beginning to show a clear pattern of senator Joe Manchin holding up lines at gas stations while he plays $1 scratch tickets. What makes things take even longer is Manchin’s … Continue reading Joe Manchin Regularly Holds Up Lines At Gas Stations While Playing $1 Scratchers
Florida governor Ron DeSantis held a press conference today in which he announced a new bill called the ‘W.O.K.E Act’ – or Whites Organizing for KKKonservative Education. The governor said that he was taking a stand against critical race theory … Continue reading DeSantis Announces ‘Whites Organizing For KKKonservative Education’ – Or ‘W.O.K.E. Act’
