An explanation for the United States’ abysmal handling of the coronavirus has come to light after Trump stated that he has been trying to quietly build up America’s COVID-19 bioweapon stockpile ever since the virus reached the country. Specifically, the president admits that he’s keeping as many Americans infected as possible so that they can be deployed overseas at a moment’s notice should war break out.

“If everyone could just shut up already about the Chinese virus that would be great. I can’t secretly amass a human stockpile if everyone won’t keep their traps shut about what we’re doing here,” Trump stated. “This is why we need to stop doing testing, stop wearing masks, and stop reporting on this altogether. From here on out let’s all agree to stop ruining my strategic military plan which will make our great nation’s military even greater, again.”

Minutes later, White House Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany was already in front of news cameras telling reporters that the president was only kidding.