Mitch McConnell Admits to Being 1/8th Turtle

“In common public opinion, turtles are just cold-blooded, unthinking and unfeeling creatures,” University of Kentucky Herpetology professor Horace Bartjis stated. “So McConnell really chose the right profession.”

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Congress Passes Unprecidented Gun Control Law

Congress Passes Gun Control Law Limiting Mass Shootings to 37 Per Year

With a shocking amount of Republican support, a new law has finally been passed to address gun violence in America. The bill, which is entitled the ‘Act Legitimizing Morally Offensive Shootings Today,’ or A.L.M.O.S.T., will place restrictions on those selling guns after 37 mass shootings have taken place in the calendar year. Despite receiving close to […]