Ted Cruz Missing After Zodiac Killer Cypher Decoded

Republicans Continue To Expertly Troll Democrats By Purposely Being Wrong About Everything

A leaked memo from the office of Senator Ted Cruz has revealed that the Republican Party leaders don’t actually believe in much of what they say or do. When reached for comment, Cruz had some shocking things to say.

“Let me be clear,” Cruz grinned. “We just want to piss off liberals for the fun of it and we’ve got enough dumb supporters to help keep this troll train rolling.”

The senator continued.

“I mean, of course we’re fucking with the Democrats,” Cruz stated. “C’mon. ‘My body my choice’ is how we’re dealing with vaccinations, yet all of us have gotten the vaccine and all of us were given multiple vaccines as children. You don’t get much troll-ier that that.”

“On top of this, we’re bad Christians at best and most of us don’t even know how to fire or even properly maintain a gun,” Cruz stated. “Hell, my wife even had two abortions!”

When asked if he feared his followers would no longer support him and the Republican Party, Cruz stated that, “It doesn’t matter what I say right now because anything that makes us conservatives look bad is simply written off as fake news. It’s as easy as that.”

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