Biden: Rising Sea Levels Could Be Prevented If We Stop Dumping Viagra In The Oceans

President Biden was asked by reporters today what he plans to do about studies saying that ocean levels are going to rise as much as they normally would in 100 years in just 30 years. “We gotta stop it. Period!” … Continue reading Biden: Rising Sea Levels Could Be Prevented If We Stop Dumping Viagra In The Oceans

Bill gates says well all eat synthetic beef by 2030 in new book titled the future sucks why we should all give up

Bill Gates Says Everyone Must Eat Fake Meat By 2030 In New Book Titled ‘The Future Sucks: Why We Should Give Up Now’

Billionaire Bill Gates is set to release a depressing new book next week titled ‘The Future Sucks: Why We Should Give Up Now’. Gates, who is typically known for his cautious optimism, says there’s no hope for humanity anymore. “If … Continue reading Bill Gates Says Everyone Must Eat Fake Meat By 2030 In New Book Titled ‘The Future Sucks: Why We Should Give Up Now’

Conservative Waiting Until Bad Thing Impacts Him Before Caring About Issue

Conservative Christian Michael Dobbins of San Diego, California says he made the conscious decision years ago not to care about any political issues that don’t impact him or his closest family members until he absolutely has to. Dobbins says that … Continue reading Conservative Waiting Until Bad Thing Impacts Him Before Caring About Issue

Humans Determined to Survive Coronavirus So They Can See Climate Change Decimate the Planet in 2035

A large majority of humans on planet Earth say they have every intention of surviving the coronavirus to ensure that they get front row seats to the end of the world; which will be brought on by climate change sometime … Continue reading Humans Determined to Survive Coronavirus So They Can See Climate Change Decimate the Planet in 2035

Joe Biden Calls His Offended Base ‘Whiny Mooncalves’ For Complaining About Sanders Supporters

Presidential candidate Joe Biden stated today at an Alabama rally that all of his easily-offended supporters need to stop saying that all Bernie Sanders supporters are internet trolls and bullies. “Bernie Sanders’ loudest and most controversial supporters represent less than … Continue reading Joe Biden Calls His Offended Base ‘Whiny Mooncalves’ For Complaining About Sanders Supporters

Conservatives identify Greta Thunberg as first known case of white privilege

After being named Time Magazine’s Person of the Year, conservatives everywhere are calling Greta Thunberg’s success the first known case of white privilege. The 16-year old Sweed with Asperger’s has been a leading voice in climate change activism. “This is … Continue reading Conservatives identify Greta Thunberg as first known case of white privilege

Trump kicks off new ‘Be Bestest’ campaign celebrating the belittling of children

After mocking 16-year-old climate change activist Greta Thunberg, who has Asperger’s, president Donald Trump announced his new Be Bestest campaign that encourages belittling and name calling of kids ages zero to seventeen. “Why be best when you can be the … Continue reading Trump kicks off new ‘Be Bestest’ campaign celebrating the belittling of children

Uber’s New Submarine Service ‘ScUber’ Will Let Riders Drop Trash Directly on The Great Barrier Reef

“If you can toss a plastic soda ring right around a turtle’s neck or ram a straw up their nose you win $100 in Uber ride credits.” Continue reading Uber’s New Submarine Service ‘ScUber’ Will Let Riders Drop Trash Directly on The Great Barrier Reef

Eric Trump is Currently Locked in a Room That’s Being Pumped Full of Pollution

Mr. Cox has locked Eric Trump in the White House’s cold storage room next to the bowling alley in an attempt to show that air pollution does not harm humans. Continue reading Eric Trump is Currently Locked in a Room That’s Being Pumped Full of Pollution

Trump Admits ‘The Polar Vortex is Caused by Climate Change’

“I’ve been calling it ‘Global Warming,’ but that’s just a trick folks; a term I use to make snowball jokes. My God, I’m so stupid.” Continue reading Trump Admits ‘The Polar Vortex is Caused by Climate Change’

Lettuce Recall Helps Millions of Vegans Cut Carbon Footprint by Dying of Starvation

We may never understand what a vegan is, or why fish qualifies as a meat, but we’ll never forget that if global warming is real, at least the vegans died first.” – DonaldTrump Continue reading Lettuce Recall Helps Millions of Vegans Cut Carbon Footprint by Dying of Starvation