Fox News’ owner Rupert Murdoch announced today that he will be launching the all-new Fox Weather Channel; a 24-hour stream that “promises to do for 7-day forecasts what Fox has done for American politics.” Notably, Murdoch says the station will … Continue reading Rupert Murdoch’s New Fox Weather Channel Will Blame The Radical Left For Storms, Natural Disasters
The United States Supreme Court ruled today that an Arizona law requiring minorities to complete an obstacle course before voting is constitutional. Justice Roberts wrote the majority opinion in the 6-3 decision. “It’s perfectly acceptable for minorities, the elderly and … Continue reading Supreme Court: AZ Law Requiring Minorities To Complete Obstacle Course Before Voting Is Constitutional
Rudy Giuliani was suspended from practicing law in the state of New York today after an appellate court ruled that there was undeniable evidence that he “communicated false and misleading statements to courts, lawmakers and the public at large as … Continue reading Trump: ‘Whoever This Rudy Guy Is, He Sounds Really Screwed!’
Critical of the US military, racist Fox News host Laura Ingraham shared a theory that the United States should defund the military if it plans to support the teaching of critical race theory. The TV host spoke out about the … Continue reading Critical Racist Laura Ingraham Has Theory That US Should Defund The Military
President Joe Biden delivered a speech today in which he stated that if more insurrectionists wanted to try to take down the government that they would need weapons such as F-15’s and nukes to even have a chance against the … Continue reading Insurrectionist Who’s Mad US Military Will Defend Country From Him Is Demanding Access To F-15’s, Nukes
Senator Marco Rubio sent out an angry tweet today in which he flip-flopped the description of Marxism with that of capitalism. “Marxism divides people into oppressors or victims…” Rubio wrote. “Those in charge of the system then seize complete power … Continue reading Man Who Hates Marxism Still Too Angry To Look Up What It Is
US Catholic bishops approved the creation of a new official document today that would ban politicians who support abortion rights from receiving Communion. President Joe Biden, who would be barred from the sacrament, gave a brief statement on the issue … Continue reading Biden Says He’ll ‘Just Bring Some Wheat Thins’ If Church Bans Him From Receiving Communion
The United States Supreme Court ruled 9-0 today in favor of allowing the pedophile-ridden Catholic Church to ban LGBTQ+ individuals from adopting children from any of their organizations. The Church released a brief and disturbing statement after the court’s decision. … Continue reading Supreme Court Says World’s Largest Pedophile Ring Can Dictate Who’s Allowed To Adopt Children
Representative Matt Gaetz (R-FL) was ticketed for the fourth time yesterday by Fort Walton Beach Police for repeatedly driving back and forth in front of a high school at 10 to 15 miles per hour below the speed limit. Authorities … Continue reading Matt Gaetz Ticketed Again For Driving Too Slowly In School Zone
Bewildered by their political counterparts, Senate Democrats voted today to form a new commission that will hopefully help them to understand exactly how Republicans are able to live with themselves. Referred to as the F.A.C.T.S. Commission – short for Finding … Continue reading Senate Democrats Form New Commission To Investigate How Republicans Can Live With Themselves
Mitch McConnell (R-KY) was seen hypnotizing fellow Republicans on the Senate floor today with the clear goal of making them feel okay with voting ‘no’ on the January 6th commission. “Voting against the Capitol insurrection investigation in no way implies … Continue reading ‘Saying No To The Commission Doesn’t Imply We’re Guilty’ McConnell Chants With Hypnotized Republicans
Senator Rand Paul (R-KY) is facing up to 5 years in jail for tax evasion after telling reporters today that he had “already paid taxes once before, so why would I pay them again?” When pressed for more information, Paul … Continue reading Rand Paul Says He Has ‘Immunity’ From Taxes Because He Already Paid Them Once Before
Members of Congress (except for Marjorie Taylor Greene) were given a ‘Marjorie Taylor Greene Tantrum Warning Signs & Prevention List’ today informing them of the indications that Greene is about to throw a tantrum and what they can to do … Continue reading Congress Was Given A ‘List Of Warning Signs’ For Marjorie Taylor Greene’s Tantrums, Here’s What It Says
After casting votes to oust Liz Cheney from her position of power today, House Republicans immediately voted to send the representative off to a new re-education camp for Republicans who won’t completely back Donald Trump. Notably, the camp is run … Continue reading Liz Cheney Sent To Re-Education Camp To Learn How To ‘Reject The Evidence Of Her Eyes & Ears’
After realizing that his Republican colleagues were not going to do anything to stop him, a nervous Matt Gaetz worked up the courage today to send a $900 Venmo payment to his longtime friend and fellow alleged sexual predator Joel … Continue reading ‘Just One More & Then I’ll Stop’ Sweaty Matt Gaetz Whispers To Himself Before Pressing Pay On Venmo
A new anti-abortion bill is close to becoming law in Texas after it passed 83-64 in the House yesterday. Senate Bill 8 would allow doctors to halt the hearts of pregnant women while they check to see if the fetus … Continue reading Texas Law Would Allow Doctors To Stop Mother’s Heartbeat In Order To Listen For Fetus’
Liz Cheney has been taking heat from fellow Republicans ever since she tweeted yesterday that “The 2020 presidential election was not stolen,” and that “Anyone who claims it was is spreading THE BIG LIE, turning their back on the rule … Continue reading Uncomfortable With Liberal Support, Liz Cheney Reassures Public She’s ‘Still A Horrible, Horrible Person’
