Senator Bernie Sanders celebrated his 78th birthday at his Vermont home today with friends, family, food and a big birthday cake. When the group finished singing Happy Birthday, Sanders – in a single 78-second shout – blew out all of … Continue reading Bernie Sanders blew out all 78 of his birthday candles in a single deafening shout
Popeyes is being accused of carrying out a covert operation designed to make their chicken sandwiches appear worthy of armed robbery. Popeyes says the alleged altercation took place last night as the fast food restaurant located in east Houston was … Continue reading Popeyes held at gunpoint by man demanding chicken sandwiches called a ‘False Flag’ by Chick-fil-A, Wendy’s
“Once I hit the 20-minute mark there was a turtle head poking out. Just in and out, in and out it went,” Francis gestured with his fingertip through an O-shape on his other hand. Continue reading Pope Francis pooped in an elevator today after being stuck in it for just 25 minutes
Bring your kids in during the school day for some savory seafood as we assault your senses with garlic shrimp scampi, crunchy fiesta shrimp or sesame-ginger grilled shrimp. Continue reading Tired of nonstop mass shootings? Dive-in and take cover at Red Lobster for Endless Shrimp
The NFL is in hot water again – this time for using human kidneys as football bladders which are used in official game balls during the regular and post-season. For 14 seasons the NFL has purchased over 3,500 kidneys on … Continue reading NFL buys 3,500 human kidneys for football bladders every year
If you enjoy eating frozen shit saucers that come out of the toaster one of two ways: burnt to a crisp or looking like someone fucked it to death, then you are a certified psychopath. Continue reading Frozen waffles are for tasteless psychopaths
ABC’s Dancing With The Stars announced today that they’ve cast of all 290 people who’ve left the Trump administration to fill the talent slots for the show’s next 24 seasons. Continue reading ABC just cast everyone who’s left the Trump administration to fill next 24 seasons of Dancing With The Stars
On the same day that Larry King divorced his 7th wife, the new bachelor immediately signed the paperwork to marry and then divorce each of his three mistresses. King’s lawyer said that the TV host wanted “a fresh start and … Continue reading Larry King goes ahead and divorces 8th, 9th and 10th wife in one day
Disney’s remake of Home Alone, entitled ‘Home Alone: Siempre,’ will feature all Latino actors and a modern plot twist in which Kevin’s parents are taken by racist ICE agents who call themselves “The Wetback Bandits.” Kevin’s parents are deported to … Continue reading Disney’s remake of Home Alone depicts Kevin’s parents being taken by ICE
The TV series features music by renowned composer John Williams. Continue reading American Crime Story: Impeachment is just five hours of blowjob reenactments
“The children’s entertainment and pizza chain explicitly stated that Vice President Mike Pence will not be allowed inside after his furry tail butt plug incident months back.” Continue reading Mike Pence, Other Furries Banned From All Chuck E. Cheese’s
“Donald J. Trump is up for Best Performance in a Comedy Series that lasts for one term or less.” Continue reading Trump White House Nominated for Multiple Emmys, Including Best Limited Series
“Maybe it’ll actually be good enough to win an award this time.” – Will Ferrell Continue reading Will Ferrell & Brad Pitt Will Star in a Remake of Boyz n the Hood
Authorities are calling Chris Brown’s new album Indigo “32 tracks of incriminating evidence” which relate to 14 new assualt allegations against the artist. Continue reading Chris Brown Recorded Real Domestic Violence to Create Percussion Tracks on New Album
“Having a room where everyone is encouraged to openly relieve themselves is a game changer. Period.” – HGTV Continue reading HGTV Star Candice Olson Reveals New “Toilet Room” Concept
“The people alive today are the last generation of humans that’ll live on this planet as we know it. Having said that, I’d like to invite everyone to go ahead and eat a dick.” Continue reading Al Gore to Release Scathing Climate Change Film Titled ‘Bitches, I Fucking Warned You!’
