More Than 6,000 Airplanes are Still Frozen Over US Airspace
“You can expect your loved ones to land safely; with only minor amputations being necessary.” Continue reading More Than 6,000 Airplanes are Still Frozen Over US Airspace
Category: Climate Change
Trump Admits ‘The Polar Vortex is Caused by Climate Change’
“I’ve been calling it ‘Global Warming,’ but that’s just a trick folks; a term I use to make snowball jokes. My God, I’m so stupid.” Continue reading Trump Admits ‘The Polar Vortex is Caused by Climate Change’
Lettuce Recall Helps Millions of Vegans Cut Carbon Footprint by Dying of Starvation
We may never understand what a vegan is, or why fish qualifies as a meat, but we’ll never forget that if global warming is real, at least the vegans died first.” – DonaldTrump Continue reading Lettuce Recall Helps Millions of Vegans Cut Carbon Footprint by Dying of Starvation
Bewildered Hurricane Responders Begin Arduous Task of ‘Moving Everything 10 Feet to the Right’
“Honestly, I think we’re just going to move every piece of debris 10 feet to the right and see if that helps,” Long stated. Continue reading Bewildered Hurricane Responders Begin Arduous Task of ‘Moving Everything 10 Feet to the Right’
Columbus Day: Exxon Discovers, Spills Oil on Native American Land
Dawn has sent 5,500 bottles of soap to help clean thousands of Native Americans who are now covered in oil. Continue reading Columbus Day: Exxon Discovers, Spills Oil on Native American Land
Trump Threatens Italy as Florence Strikes Coast
“It appears that he was not remotely aware of the situation and still probably isn’t.” Continue reading Trump Threatens Italy as Florence Strikes Coast
Trump Signs Reckless ‘Paperless Earth’ Green Initiative Into Law
A painting by President George W. Bush shows his prediction of the future. Continue reading Trump Signs Reckless ‘Paperless Earth’ Green Initiative Into Law
North Korea Accidentally Nukes Itself
The North Korean leader then flipped open a glass-encased red button, pressed it, and was immediately torn apart – along with the rest of his country – by a faulty nuclear missile. Continue reading North Korea Accidentally Nukes Itself
Trump Blasts Green Energy, Obama for ‘Unseasonably Dark Day’
“When you get a maniac like Obama. Okay. And he is, he really is. Then you end up with days like today,” Trump stated while pointing toward the only side of the room without any windows. Continue reading Trump Blasts Green Energy, Obama for ‘Unseasonably Dark Day’
Strict ‘No Farting’ Policy Enforced in White House
President Donald Trump used a morning staff meeting today to address leaks that have plagued his administration since day one. In an impassioned speech, the President touched on many topics – concluding with the implementation of a strict ‘No Farting’ … Continue reading Strict ‘No Farting’ Policy Enforced in White House