After staring up at the sun without eye protection for 7 minutes, in order to “figure out what the hell was going on,” Commander-in-Chief Donald Trump gave a short public address in which he demonized green energy, solar power, and former President Barack Obama.

Facing the White House Press Corps with bloodshot eyes, Trump shared his findings with the room, all while pretending to be able to see.

“When you get a maniac like Obama. Okay. And he is, he really is. Then you end up with days like today,” Trump stated while pointing toward the only side of the room without any windows.

“Look people. He pushed the green energy, as they call it. I think they call it that. Right? Green’s great, they say. Right? That’s what they said, and now look! Solar panels are draining the sun.”

Wiping a small drop of blood from his right eye, the president struggled to continue.

“It’s so dark,” uttered an emotional Trump. “God it’s dark [audible sob]. So. SO, So dark.”

Clearing his throat, the president added, “Plus we’ve got these wind farms or windmills, or what-have-you. And they go and blow the air. Push it around and disrupt things. They’re disruptors, these fans. Awful.” stated Trump.

“I mean. Do you see this!? Do you see this!?? Huge and ugly! It’s disgusting!” a legally blind Trump shouted while gesticulating toward a frightened, teary-eyed Sarah Huckabee Sanders.

“You see. The fans spin, the air moves, and now we’ve pushed the moon in front of our only sun. Our only one. It’s crazy people. Ridiculous. It really is ridiculous.”

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