Hundreds of pigeons bearing handwritten messages from Donald Trump were released from the White House today after Trump was banned from Twitter and nearly every other social media site. The president – who was annoyed by the birds flying around … Continue reading Trump Frantically Ties Hundreds of Handwritten ‘Tweets’ to Pigeons
In a rare Sunday vote, Congress managed to pass a stimulus bill that will send one hundred $6 checks to every American. “Although we couldn’t agree on a higher amount, we did come to the conclusion that one hundred checks … Continue reading Congress Passes Stimulus Approving 100, 6-Dollar Checks Per American
The US Supreme Court issued a rare message to the general public today letting the country know that they’d “gladly take on an election case if there were any real [expletive] evidence of voter fraud.” “Although we have taken on … Continue reading Supreme Court Congratulates Biden, Says ‘No Evidence of Voter Fraud’
President Trump told reporters today that he was open to the idea of becoming president of any states that want to secede from the union. The comment came after reporters asked the president what he thought about conservative radio host … Continue reading Trump: ‘I’d Love To Be President Of The New Confederate States Of America’
Having successfully rigged the 2020 presidential election for Joe Biden, Democrats are just now realizing that they forgot to cheat in all of the House and Senate races that took place across the country. “Whoops! We fixed the election for … Continue reading Absent-Minded: Democrats Forget to Rig House & Senate Races
Having previously stated that he “might cry a lot” if he loses, the White House released a video today depicting Donald Trump gorging himself on KFC and McDonald’s while sobbing uncontrollably. The video, which was reportedly filmed in the past … Continue reading Trump Cries & Overeats in TV Ad That Prepares US for ‘New Kind of Presidential Low’
Looking to ease the nation’s worries that the United States is on the brink of civil war, historians have come together to point out that too many Trump supporters have gotten COVID for the modern day South to physically rise … Continue reading Civil War ‘Unlikely’ as Most Trump Supporters Are Sick With COVID
President Trump signed an executive order today that pardoned himself for “any and all crimes in the past, present, or future” – ensuring that even if he loses the election that he will still have absolute immunity for the rest … Continue reading Trump Signs Executive Order Pre-Pardoning Himself of Any Crimes
Desperately seeking to grab the nation’s attention, former President Barack Obama set up a stage and a podium in the middle of Philadelphia’s I-76 and delivered an impassioned speech denouncing Donald Trump this afternoon. Despite repeated and raucous honking, Obama … Continue reading Angry Philadelphia Drivers Honk as Obama Delivers Speech in Middle of I-76
The next presidential debate has been officially rebranded as ‘The 2020 Presidential Debate With Jerry Springer,’ as the former TV show host and pseudo-celebrity is set to moderate. The Commission on Presidential Debates confirmed that the October 15th Miami debate … Continue reading Jerry Springer to Moderate Next Presidential Debate With Steve Wilkos as Security
After telling his staff that he has been hearing a loud, irritating booing noise “pretty much everywhere” he goes, president Trump was quickly checked into Walter Reed Hospital to be seen by doctors. Once there, medical experts were quick to … Continue reading Trump Checked Into Hospital For Hearing ‘Loud Booing Sound’ Everywhere He Goes
Merriam-Webster made a controversial move today when they announced that they had added yet another definition for the word ‘trumpery’ to the dictionary. The company explained their decision in a press release. “We believed it to be appropriate for current … Continue reading Webster’s Adds Vulgar Definition for ‘Trumpery’ to Dictionary
During an interview on Fox News, president Trump told Laura Ingraham that the police officer who shot Jacob Blake seven times in the back had “choked” much like “missing a three foot putt.” But the strange answer didn’t stop there. … Continue reading Full Trump-Ingraham Clip Shows President Kept On Comparing the Jacob Blake Shooting to Golf
Muttering to himself “it had better fucking work this time,” Donald Trump held up a box of rat poison today and told supporters that it was yet another cure for COVID-19. Privately, Trump admitted that the move was just another … Continue reading Trump Tells Supporters to Eat Deadly Rat Poison
Looking to completely redo his image, Donald Trump has grown a unique mustache in which the hair is only in the middle portion of his upper lip, and approximately the width of his nose. In addition to this, he’s had … Continue reading Trump Sports New Hairstyle, Grows Trendsetting Mustache For RNC
Hurricanes Laura and Marco multiplied into eight storms today after the Trump administration detonated nuclear weapons inside of the two weather systems in hopes of destroying them. Meteorologists say that people in the path of the hurricanes should prepare themselves … Continue reading Double Hurricane Becomes Eight Radioactive Storms After US Nukes Weather Systems
It’s no secret that the United States Postal Service is hurting for money when they need it the most. With the Trump administration in strong opposition to additional funding, the USPS has taken it upon themselves to raise money by … Continue reading USPS Begins Selling New Book of Anti-Trump Stamps to Bring in More Revenue
When asked if there was a plan in place if Donald Trump refuses to leave the White House after losing the November election, Washington D.C. Mayor Muriel Bowser said that the city was already prepared for such a scenario. “Unfortunately, … Continue reading DC Prepared to Shut Off Utilities If Trump Refuses to Leave White House
