New Texas Law Will Outfit All School Staff With Everything A School Shooter Would Have

Texas Governor Greg Abbott announced today that a new law will soon be passed by the state which will fully-arm school staff with everything a school shooter could possibly bring with them during an attack. “You gotta make it a … Continue reading New Texas Law Will Outfit All School Staff With Everything A School Shooter Would Have

New Alabama Law Sentences Teachers Who Talk About Slavery To Involuntary Servitude

Alabama Governor Kay Ivey signed a bill into law today that will place any public school teachers who teach students about slavery into involuntary servitude programs. “There is not place for discussing slavery in Alabama schools. The past is in … Continue reading New Alabama Law Sentences Teachers Who Talk About Slavery To Involuntary Servitude

San Francisco Bill Treats All Students As Gay Unless They ‘Come Out’ As Straight

A new bill focused on student gender and sexuality has been introduced in San Francisco, stirring up controversy in the Bay Area and around the country. If passed, the law would require teachers to assume that all students are part … Continue reading San Francisco Bill Treats All Students As Gay Unless They ‘Come Out’ As Straight

DeSantis Announces ‘Whites Organizing For KKKonservative Education’ – Or ‘W.O.K.E. Act’

Florida governor Ron DeSantis held a press conference today in which he announced a new bill called the ‘W.O.K.E Act’ – or Whites Organizing for KKKonservative Education. The governor said that he was taking a stand against critical race theory … Continue reading DeSantis Announces ‘Whites Organizing For KKKonservative Education’ – Or ‘W.O.K.E. Act’

Marjorie Taylor Greene - Bigfoot Is A Real-Life Alien That Was Attracted To Earth By Chemtrails

Marjorie Taylor Greene: ‘Bigfoot Is A Real-Life Alien That Was Attracted To Earth By Chemtrails’

Having already claimed that school shootings like Sandy Hook and Parkland we’re false flag operations and that 9/11 was an inside job, Georgia Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene stated in a press conference today that “not only is Bigfoot real, but … Continue reading Marjorie Taylor Greene: ‘Bigfoot Is A Real-Life Alien That Was Attracted To Earth By Chemtrails’

Donald Trump Releases Book Titled My Struggle Banned in Germany

Trump’s New Book ‘My Struggle’ Already Banned in Germany

The White House announced the release of Donald Trump’s new, pre-election book titled My Struggle today, prompting the country of Germany to ban the paperback instantly. White House Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany said that, despite strong pushback, the book will … Continue reading Trump’s New Book ‘My Struggle’ Already Banned in Germany

White House Stuns Press By Accidentally Acknowledging Existence of Science

White House Stuns Press By Accidentally Acknowledging Existence of Science

White House Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany shocked the press today when she accidentally acknowledged that science does in fact exist, but that it shouldn’t impact the decisions the nation makes during the pandemic. “A little thing called ‘science’ should not … Continue reading White House Stuns Press By Accidentally Acknowledging Existence of Science

Pence Reassures: ‘More Students Will Die From School Shootings Than COVID’

Mike Pence argued today that opening schools amidst the coronavirus pandemic is acceptable because “COVID-19 will still kill less children than school shootings this year, and we don’t do anything to prevent those.” “If you’re scared about your child getting … Continue reading Pence Reassures: ‘More Students Will Die From School Shootings Than COVID’

Christians Having a Harder Time Keeping Christ in Christmas

Christians are having a really fucking hard time keeping Christ in Christmas

Devout Christians Robert and Denise Ferraro of Naperville, Illinois say that they began forgetting that Christ had anything to do with Christmas when their 10-year-old daughter Cindy came home from public school last December and told them that she had… Continue reading Christians are having a really fucking hard time keeping Christ in Christmas

Tired of nonstop mass shootings? Dive-in and take cover at Red Lobster for Endless Shrimp

Bring your kids in during the school day for some savory seafood as we assault your senses with garlic shrimp scampi, crunchy fiesta shrimp or sesame-ginger grilled shrimp. Continue reading Tired of nonstop mass shootings? Dive-in and take cover at Red Lobster for Endless Shrimp

Trump: “Let’s All Just Say Half of the Pledge and Call It a Day”

“I’d be fine if Americans just recited half of the Pledge of Allegiance and then carried on with school or whatever.” – Trump Continue reading Trump: “Let’s All Just Say Half of the Pledge and Call It a Day”

Breaking: Obama Uses School Shooting to Defend Gun Owners

Breaking: Obama Uses School Shooting to Defend Gun Owners

Barack Obama, who is by all means a “Lame Duck” president, used the recent school shooting to defend gun owners. This was a surprising move by the leader of the Free World as he decided to use tragedy in order to get everyday Americans to, as he stated, “think for… Continue reading Breaking: Obama Uses School Shooting to Defend Gun Owners