A restraining order was handed down to NASA on Tuesday after one of their spacecrafts was seen lurking near the Sun before it penetrated the massive ball of fire; touching it right on the atmosphere. Here’s what people are saying: Continue reading NASA Slapped With A Restraining Order After Probing The Sun’s Atmosphere
Florida governor Ron DeSantis held a press conference today in which he announced a new bill called the ‘W.O.K.E Act’ – or Whites Organizing for KKKonservative Education. The governor said that he was taking a stand against critical race theory … Continue reading DeSantis Announces ‘Whites Organizing For KKKonservative Education’ – Or ‘W.O.K.E. Act’
Elon Musk was “more than a little bit surprised” today when it was announced that he was Dog Fancy’s ‘Bitch of the Year.’ “Now you may be thinking ‘dogs are pretty dumb,’ but there are many other reasons why Elon … Continue reading Dog Fancy Magazine Names Elon Musk ‘Bitch Of The Year’
Scientists across the globe are now starting to admit that there is a perk for those of us who are wisely choosing not to get vaccinated against Covid: We’re 11 times more likely to meet God sooner than all of … Continue reading Jealous?: Anti-Vaxxers Are 11 Times More Likely To Meet God Before You
While celebrating her birthday today, rapper, singer, and songwriter Nicki Minaj turned around, bent over and farted on her birthday cake in an odd effort to blow out the candles. Minaj moaned as she let out a long, wet one … Continue reading Nicki Minaj Farts Out Her Birthday Candles ‘To Avoid Spreading Covid’
Billionaire Elon Musk stunned attendees at The Wall Street Journal’s CEO Council Summit yesterday when he proclaimed that “CEO is a made-up title.” Musk added that he had applied for a formal SEC filing to change his official title to “Sir … Continue reading Elon Musk: ‘CEO Is A Made-Up Title, Call Me Sir Hair Plugs McBlood Emerald’
Pizza chain Little Caesars announced today that they have completely overhauled the ingredients that they use to make their pizza crusts, but that they’ve done absolutely nothing to make the rest of the pizza more palatable. “We went ahead and … Continue reading Little Caesars: ‘We Improved The Crust, But The Rest Of The Pizza Is Still Absolute Trash’
Several Republican members of Congress declared today that the Covid pandemic – which has caused nearly 800,000 deaths in the United States – is now over. As the news spread throughout the country, countless right wing hospital workers started removing … Continue reading Ventilators Removed From Patients & Burned As Republicans Declare Pandemic Over
Famous comedians Dave Chappelle, Kevin Hart and Louis C.K. have all been Grammy nominated for the Most Cancelled award. The award, which is new this year, was created by the Grammy committee “to recognize how very real and unfair cancel … Continue reading Dave Chappelle, Kevin Hart & Louis C.K. All Grammy Nominated For ‘Most Cancelled’ Award
Representatives from the Green Bay Packers organization have admitted to the press that quarterback Aaron Rodgers’ helmet was custom made with a thick tin foil liner at his request. The team says that Rodgers wears the tin foil helmet in … Continue reading Aaron Rodgers’ Helmet Liner Completely Made Of Tin Foil
Due to widespread mistrust of both science and the CDC, the vast majority of kids age 5 to 11 who have been vaccinated are those designated as the “least favorite child” in their family. In fact, statistics show that more … Continue reading Hesitant Parents Sending Least Favorite Child To Get Vaccinated First
Leaked documents from Facebook headquarters reveal that the corporation will be officially changing its name to “Company” next Thursday. Many people are pointing out that the name change will make it nearly impossible to search for news about the company … Continue reading Facebook To Change Their Name To ‘Company’ – Making It Hard To Google Bad News About Them
Comedian Dave Chappelle is attempting to legitimize his new Netflix comedy special that focused almost entirely on disparaging transgender individuals. Chappelle gave a brief statement today. “Some minority groups haven’t suffered enough for me,” Chappelle grinned while taking a puff … Continue reading Trans People Not Oppressed Enough To Be Left Alone By Dave Chappelle
NASA announced today that it will be launching Texas Senator Ted Cruz into space next month in an attempt to redirect an asteroid that will pass nearby Earth. Scientists say Cruz’s body will not be put inside a capsule, but … Continue reading NASA To Launch Ted Cruz 15,000 MPH Into Asteroid To Test Defenses
The long-running, popular American TV game show Wheel of Fortune has updated its iconic wheel by replacing the ‘Bankruptcy’ slot with ‘DEATH.’ Due to the changes, players will now have a 1 in 24 chance of being executed by host … Continue reading Wheel Of Fortune Adds ‘Death Slot’ After Seeing Success Of Squid Game
A recent poll from the Center for Politics at the University of Virginia says that a majority of Trump voters at least “somewhat” support the idea of seceding from the United States. Here’s what people are saying. “Would they secede … Continue reading Poll: Many Trump Voters Support Seceding From The United States
A leaked memo from the office of Senator Ted Cruz has revealed that the Republican Party leaders don’t actually believe in much of what they say or do. When reached for comment, Cruz had some shocking things to say. “Let … Continue reading Republicans Continue To Expertly Troll Democrats By Purposely Being Wrong About Everything
