oprah winfrey party celebrating less white people

Oprah Throws Party To Celebrate 2020 census Showing Decline In White Population

The 2020 US Census came out today and it shows a decline in the white population for the first time since 1790. In response to the census news, Oprah Winfrey is reportedly celebrating with a huge party. Notably, Oprah had … Continue reading Oprah Throws Party To Celebrate 2020 census Showing Decline In White Population

Employers now asking who won the 2020 election in interviews to weed out crazy candidates

Employers Now Asking ‘Who Won The 2020 Election?’ In Job Interviews To Weed Out Crazy Candidates

It might be illegal, but top employers from around the country, including Walmart, Amazon, Kroger, Home Depot, and FedEx have started asking interviewees the screening question: “Who won the 2020 election?” The corporate decision to ask such a question comes … Continue reading Employers Now Asking ‘Who Won The 2020 Election?’ In Job Interviews To Weed Out Crazy Candidates

White House orders Trump more straws to grasp at

White House Orders Thousands of Straws For Trump to Continue Grasping At

Staffers are reporting that the White House received a huge shipment of straws today after president Trump grasped at every last one he could find while trying to come up with a believable reason to overturn election results. “The president … Continue reading White House Orders Thousands of Straws For Trump to Continue Grasping At

Video shows trump crying and overeating after election loss

Trump Cries & Overeats in TV Ad That Prepares US for ‘New Kind of Presidential Low’

Having previously stated that he “might cry a lot” if he loses, the White House released a video today depicting Donald Trump gorging himself on KFC and McDonald’s while sobbing uncontrollably. The video, which was reportedly filmed in the past … Continue reading Trump Cries & Overeats in TV Ad That Prepares US for ‘New Kind of Presidential Low’

Civil War 'Unlikely' as Most Trump Supporters Are Sick With COVID

Civil War ‘Unlikely’ as Most Trump Supporters Are Sick With COVID

Looking to ease the nation’s worries that the United States is on the brink of civil war, historians have come together to point out that too many Trump supporters have gotten COVID for the modern day South to physically rise … Continue reading Civil War ‘Unlikely’ as Most Trump Supporters Are Sick With COVID

Sarah Palin Advises Kamala Harris Against Being a ‘Total Fucking Moron,’ Says ‘That Was My Biggest Mistake’

Former vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin offered advice to Kamala Harris today after she was selected to be Joe Biden’s running mate. Via an Instagram post, the former Alaska governor gave a few suggestions. “Congrats to the democrat VP pick. … Continue reading Sarah Palin Advises Kamala Harris Against Being a ‘Total Fucking Moron,’ Says ‘That Was My Biggest Mistake’

Republicans Use Egotistical Lunatic to Help Reelect Egotistical Lunatic

Republicans helped Kanye West get himself on the Wisconsin ballot for the 2020 presidential election today; a move that could divert votes from Joe Biden to West and hand Trump a victory in the swing state. Despite having unmanaged mental … Continue reading Republicans Use Egotistical Lunatic to Help Reelect Egotistical Lunatic

Trump Sends Federal Agents to Suburbs to Demonstrate How Easy It Is to Steal Your Mail

President Trump is sending federal agents to the US suburbs in order to show citizens just “how easy it is to take their mail.” The move comes in an effort to prove that mail-in ballots will cause large-scale voter fraud … Continue reading Trump Sends Federal Agents to Suburbs to Demonstrate How Easy It Is to Steal Your Mail

Biden Doubles Down, Says ‘40% of Americans Are Rinky Dinky Chicken Shits’

Joe Biden issued a stunning correction today after claiming that “10 to 15% of Americans are not very good people.” Rather than try to smooth things over, Biden doubled down. “I am deeply sorry if I have offended anyone with … Continue reading Biden Doubles Down, Says ‘40% of Americans Are Rinky Dinky Chicken Shits’

5 things you should never do with your penis on an airplane in 2020

Recent studies reveal that nearly 20% of flight attendants saying they’ve received reports of passenger-on-passenger sexual assault on a flight and 68% have been sexually harassed themselves. If you’re keeping up with the times, you should already know that there … Continue reading 5 things you should never do with your penis on an airplane in 2020

Pete Buttigieg raises over $19 million in November alone by going on paid Grindr dates

Presidential candidate and mayor of South Bend, Indiana Pete Buttigieg raised more than $23 million in the month of November by letting Grindr users pay to go on dates with him. The gay dating app, which tells users how far … Continue reading Pete Buttigieg raises over $19 million in November alone by going on paid Grindr dates

A Beaver trapped Elizabeth Warren in the corner of her Indianapolis campaign office for four hours

A wild beaver somehow managed to sneak into one of Elizabeth Warren’s campaign headquarters and corner the presidential front runner for over four hours this morning. Warren says she’s doing fine and that this wasn’t her first encounter with a … Continue reading A Beaver trapped Elizabeth Warren in the corner of her Indianapolis campaign office for four hours

Congress divided between total FEC shutdown or posting a job on Craigslist

With the Federal Election Commission vice chairman Matthew Petersen stepping down the FEC is effectively shutdown, leaving no one to enforce campaign finance law. Congress is now debating whether to approve $35 in funding to post a job on Craigslist … Continue reading Congress divided between total FEC shutdown or posting a job on Craigslist

Georgia judge will allow 2020 ballots to be printed in Russian

A Georgia judge appointed by President Obama has ruled that the state can print their 2020 ballots in Russian. The ruling also struck down the use of archaic voting machines. “Since our electronic voting system is atrociously outdated and incredibly … Continue reading Georgia judge will allow 2020 ballots to be printed in Russian

Senator Cory Booker & Elmo Remind Americans: “Despite Incredibly Hot Beard, Ted Cruz is Still a Douche”

Booker’s 15 minute ventriloquism act included a perfectly performed impersonation of Sesame Street’s best-known character. Continue reading Senator Cory Booker & Elmo Remind Americans: “Despite Incredibly Hot Beard, Ted Cruz is Still a Douche”