Category: U.S. News
Judge Puts Kyle Rittenhouse On His Lap & Lets Him Bang Gavel For ‘Not Guilty’ Verdict
Judge In Kyle Rittenhouse Trial Gets FBI Escort To & From Nursing Home Every Day
Sources have confirmed that Justice Bruce Schroeder, who is inattentively presiding over the Kyle Rittenhouse homicide trial, is currently residing in Parkside Manor Assisted Living in Kenosha, Wisconsin. Justice Schroeder has been getting FBI escorts to and from the nursing … Continue reading Judge In Kyle Rittenhouse Trial Gets FBI Escort To & From Nursing Home Every Day
4 Cities We Can’t Wait To See Completely Underwater By 2030
For one reason or another, here are four cities that we simply cannot wait to see completely underwater by 2030 (at the latest). 1 – Detroit, MI. We’d love to watch these downtrodden people finally be put out of their … Continue reading 4 Cities We Can’t Wait To See Completely Underwater By 2030
Hesitant Parents Sending Least Favorite Child To Get Vaccinated First
Due to widespread mistrust of both science and the CDC, the vast majority of kids age 5 to 11 who have been vaccinated are those designated as the “least favorite child” in their family. In fact, statistics show that more … Continue reading Hesitant Parents Sending Least Favorite Child To Get Vaccinated First
Man Announcing Unprompted That He’s ‘Not Into Golden Showers’ Definitely Into Golden Showers
In a private speech at a retreat yesterday, former president Trump – completely unprompted – brought up the rumor that he had been peed on by Russian prostitutes while in Moscow. “I’m not into golden showers,” he told the crowd. … Continue reading Man Announcing Unprompted That He’s ‘Not Into Golden Showers’ Definitely Into Golden Showers
NASA To Launch Ted Cruz 15,000 MPH Into Asteroid To Test Defenses
NASA announced today that it will be launching Texas Senator Ted Cruz into space next month in an attempt to redirect an asteroid that will pass nearby Earth. Scientists say Cruz’s body will not be put inside a capsule, but … Continue reading NASA To Launch Ted Cruz 15,000 MPH Into Asteroid To Test Defenses
9 Easy Ways To Convince Anti-Vaxxers To Get ‘The Jab’
There are several simple ways to encourage anti-vaxxers to finally take the shot and help us get out of this pandemic. Slideshow: Main photo credit: Marco Verch Continue reading 9 Easy Ways To Convince Anti-Vaxxers To Get ‘The Jab’
Troops Sent Back To Afghanistan After Biden Remembers Country Has Oil
The US military is doing an about-face and heading back to Afghanistan after President Joe Biden suddenly remembered that the war-torn country has massive, untapped oil reserves. Biden says it would be “unconscionable” to not secure the oil. “It would … Continue reading Troops Sent Back To Afghanistan After Biden Remembers Country Has Oil
Everyone Who Throws A Fit For Being Asked Vaccination Status Accurately Marked As Unvaccinated
The CDC announced today that anyone who refuses to give their vaccination status should be considered unvaccinated for the health and safety of others. “When people throw a fit when asked the simple question ‘are you vaccinated?’ then you can … Continue reading Everyone Who Throws A Fit For Being Asked Vaccination Status Accurately Marked As Unvaccinated
Experts Say Letting U.S. Be Engulfed In Flames Would End COVID Across Country
Climate and infectious disease experts released a study today saying that in order to completely eradicate COVID-19 from the country that the government could simply burn all 2.27 billion acres of land that makes up the United States of America. Scientists … Continue reading Experts Say Letting U.S. Be Engulfed In Flames Would End COVID Across Country
63% Of Republicans Believe Majority Of COVID Deaths Actually Just Mislabeled Skydiving accidents
Trump Releases His Own Brand Of Vaccine; Millions Die Of Snake Oil Poisoning
Former president Donald Trump announced his “own brand” of vaccine today that was immediately rejected by the scientific community after being identified as literal snake oil. Despite what experts are saying, millions of Republicans have lined up to take the … Continue reading Trump Releases His Own Brand Of Vaccine; Millions Die Of Snake Oil Poisoning
Man Who Works In The Trades Favorite Pastime Is Telling Everyone To Get A Job In The Trades
MILWAUKEE, WI – Local man and proud welder Joseph Stallsworth says that his favorite pastime is telling anyone who will listen to go out and get a job in the trades. “It doesn’t matter if we are complete strangers or … Continue reading Man Who Works In The Trades Favorite Pastime Is Telling Everyone To Get A Job In The Trades
TX Republicans Pass Bill That Says It’s No Longer Required To Teach That The KKK Is ‘Morally Wrong’
The Republican Texas Senate passed a bill today that eliminates requirements that schools teach that the Ku Klux Klan and white supremacy are “morally wrong.” Previously, Texas students were also taught about Martin Luther King Jr.’s “Letter from a Birmingham … Continue reading TX Republicans Pass Bill That Says It’s No Longer Required To Teach That The KKK Is ‘Morally Wrong’
Apologetic Boeing Recalls All 787 Aircrafts After Inspection Reveals Planes To Be Lacking Wings, Engines
Quick Facts Boeing has been plagued with recent failures including electrical issues on the 737 Max that caused two deadly crashes killing 346 people. At least 17 of the 787’s were equipped with a single rear engine and no wings … Continue reading Apologetic Boeing Recalls All 787 Aircrafts After Inspection Reveals Planes To Be Lacking Wings, Engines
Hacked: Amazon Crashes After Intern Opens Phishing Email From Jeff.Bezos69@Amazon.net
Would-be shoppers were suddenly unable to complete purchases from Amazon on Sunday night after an intern opened a phishing email from hackers. Sources inside Amazon have confirmed that the intern has been demoted to unpaid warehouse worker. “He opened an … Continue reading Hacked: Amazon Crashes After Intern Opens Phishing Email From Jeff.Bezos69@Amazon.net
Unimpressed: Richard Branson Said He Was ‘Over Space’ Only Seconds Into Weightlessness
Sources are reporting that billionaire Richard Branson quickly became bored with today’s space flight just seconds after passengers began experiencing weightlessness. “The spaceship was at the top of its flight path, 50-plus miles high, suspended in weightlessness while allowing the … Continue reading Unimpressed: Richard Branson Said He Was ‘Over Space’ Only Seconds Into Weightlessness