Trump Revokes Matt Gaetz Attorney General Appointment, Says He Meant Gaetz ‘Needs an Attorney, in General’

In a stunning reversal, former President Donald Trump announced today that he was rescinding his appointment of Congressman Matt Gaetz as Attorney General, citing what he called a “small misreading of handwritten notes.” “I didn’t mean the Attorney General,” Trump clarified in … Continue reading Trump Revokes Matt Gaetz Attorney General Appointment, Says He Meant Gaetz ‘Needs an Attorney, in General’

‘Operation Legend’ Agents Now Have Brown Shirts, Red Armbands & a Special Salute

After public outcry over unidentifiable federal agents snagging protesters from their unmarked vans, Attorney General William Barr says that the agents will now be much, much easier for protesters to spot. “Those involved in Operation Legend will now be wearing … Continue reading ‘Operation Legend’ Agents Now Have Brown Shirts, Red Armbands & a Special Salute

“We had a brief window of opportunity here and we didn’t take it,” presidential candidate Cory Booker stated. Continue reading White House Quietly Removes Treason From Offenses Punishable by Death

Cohen poured 14 gallons of gasoline, began playing ‘Spark the Fire’ by Gwen Stefani, and lit the contents of the dumpster before biting the heads off several chickens. Continue reading Steve Cohen Sparks Massive Dumpster Fire on House Floor, Bites Heads Off of Live Chickens

The former FBI Director enrolled in a pottery class Anderson Cooper attends in an attempt to get him to sit in between his legs while whispering key findings in his ear. Continue reading Trapped & Furious: Dead Robert Mueller Can’t Cross Over to Spirit Realm Until Barr Releases Full Report

“We do strongly prefer that they be handed over as they’ll be repurposed as thrusting devices in sex toys.” Continue reading Banned Bump Stocks Will Be Recycled as Sex Toys, Justice Department Says

The amount of marijuana that Mr. Sessions consumes on a daily basis is staggering. Continue reading Jeff Sessions is Using Marijuana to Cope With His Job