Kentucky Moves Only Louisville Voting Machine ‘Somewhere Inside of Mammoth Cave’

Kentucky election officials stunned voters this morning when they announced that the only functioning voting machine for Louisville had been relocated “somewhere inside of Mammoth Cave” – the world’s longest cave system.

Officials say that malfunctioning equipment and understaffing lead the election board to search for one large, last-minute, nearby location where everyone could fit.

“With a city of 600,000 people we had to find a venue that could support the large numbers while being able to allow for proper social distancing,” one official confirmed. “So bring your lanterns, flashlights, helmets, some food and water because there’s only one voting machine in there – and wouldn’t ya know – we lost it!”

As of press time countless citizens were desperately searching for their right to vote.

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