Having already claimed that school shootings like Sandy Hook and Parkland we’re false flag operations and that 9/11 was an inside job, Georgia Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene stated in a press conference today that “not only is Bigfoot real, but … Continue reading Marjorie Taylor Greene: ‘Bigfoot Is A Real-Life Alien That Was Attracted To Earth By Chemtrails’
Sorry libtards, but just because I’m fully-clothed, crying and eating Goya beans on the shower floor doesn’t mean that I’m a little, snowflake bitch like you. It means I’m a patriot who knows what’s really going on! Us Trump supporters … Continue reading Opinion: I’m Not a Snowflake, I’m Just Fully-Clothed, Crying & Eating Goya Beans On The Shower Floor
Sources are reporting that hundreds of fact checkers at news organizations around the world were abruptly let go from their jobs after White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki completed an entire briefing without lying once to the press. “With the … Continue reading Hundreds Of Fact Checkers Laid Off After New Press Secretary Fails To Lie In First Briefing
Joe Biden has reportedly agreed to hire Elizabeth Warren to cleanse the White House with sage before moving in. The decision comes after Warren reached out to the Bidens yesterday, telling them that she was concerned the building needed “an … Continue reading Bidens Hire Elizabeth Warren to Sage White House Before Move In
Hundreds of pigeons bearing handwritten messages from Donald Trump were released from the White House today after Trump was banned from Twitter and nearly every other social media site. The president – who was annoyed by the birds flying around … Continue reading Trump Frantically Ties Hundreds of Handwritten ‘Tweets’ to Pigeons
After months of back and forth over what to provide in a stimulus package for the American people, Congress has finally managed to pass a bill that will offer every family a pizza party and a free copy of Shrek … Continue reading Second Stimulus Package Just A Pizza Party & Free Copy Of Shrek 3
According to his wife and several sources close to him, Ted Cruz went missing today right after news broke that the Zodiac Killer’s cypher was cracked. Authorities say that they found Cruz’s shitty beard hair shaved off in a bathroom … Continue reading Ted Cruz Vanishes After Zodiac Killer Cypher Cracked
White House chief of staff Mark Meadows has ordered FDA chief Dr. Stephen Hahn to either authorize the Pfizer vaccine by the end of today or submit his letter of resignation. The ultimatum comes despite countless, repeated remarks from the … Continue reading White House Frantically Demands Vaccine Be Approved Today Despite Virus Being ‘No Worse Than Flu’
A desperate, broke Donald Trump was overheard shouting “C’mon baby! Donny needs a new set of results!” as he rolled the dice again by sending yet another $3 million to Wisconsin to recount votes for a second time. “The president … Continue reading ‘I Can Stop Anytime I Want!’ Shouts Trump While Using Last of His Money to Double Down on Recounts
Having successfully rigged the 2020 presidential election for Joe Biden, Democrats are just now realizing that they forgot to cheat in all of the House and Senate races that took place across the country. “Whoops! We fixed the election for … Continue reading Absent-Minded: Democrats Forget to Rig House & Senate Races
Joe Biden told reporters today in an afternoon press conference that his campaign is “so close to victory that he can sniff it” and that he “didn’t even have to creep up from behind this time.” Continue reading Biden: ‘We’re So Close to Victory I Can Sniff It’
Having previously stated that he “might cry a lot” if he loses, the White House released a video today depicting Donald Trump gorging himself on KFC and McDonald’s while sobbing uncontrollably. The video, which was reportedly filmed in the past … Continue reading Trump Cries & Overeats in TV Ad That Prepares US for ‘New Kind of Presidential Low’
Looking to ease the nation’s worries that the United States is on the brink of civil war, historians have come together to point out that too many Trump supporters have gotten COVID for the modern day South to physically rise … Continue reading Civil War ‘Unlikely’ as Most Trump Supporters Are Sick With COVID
President Trump signed an executive order today that pardoned himself for “any and all crimes in the past, present, or future” – ensuring that even if he loses the election that he will still have absolute immunity for the rest … Continue reading Trump Signs Executive Order Pre-Pardoning Himself of Any Crimes
The next presidential debate has been officially rebranded as ‘The 2020 Presidential Debate With Jerry Springer,’ as the former TV show host and pseudo-celebrity is set to moderate. The Commission on Presidential Debates confirmed that the October 15th Miami debate … Continue reading Jerry Springer to Moderate Next Presidential Debate With Steve Wilkos as Security
After telling his staff that he has been hearing a loud, irritating booing noise “pretty much everywhere” he goes, president Trump was quickly checked into Walter Reed Hospital to be seen by doctors. Once there, medical experts were quick to … Continue reading Trump Checked Into Hospital For Hearing ‘Loud Booing Sound’ Everywhere He Goes
