The Food Network announced today that they have come to an agreement with Guy Fieri on a new contract after a two week long discussion and multiple doctor’s visits to check up on Fieri’s health. Because of test results, the … Continue reading Food Network Signs $80 Million Contract With Guy Fieri For 3-Years, Or Until Death By Heart Attack
Conservative extremist and radio shock jock Rush Limbaugh passed away today and has now been placed in his own personal limbo, indefinitely. The decision comes after both God and the Devil refused to take him. “He certainly doesn’t belong here,” … Continue reading Rush Limbaugh Forever Trapped in ‘Rush Limbo’ After Devil & God Both Refuse To Take Him
(The Astral Plane) Tensions are running high in Heaven tonight as the 170,000+ Americans who have died from COVID-19 are protesting God for taking the wrong Trump. Authorities say the protests, which are being led by the late father of … Continue reading Heaven: 170,000 COVID Victims Protest God For Taking Wrong Trump
(The Astral Plane) After being essentially hands-off for millennia, the Devil and God stunned the world today when they publicly begged conservatives in America to stop screwing around and take the pandemic seriously. Both rulers reported that their individual dominions … Continue reading The Devil & God Beg Conservatives to ‘Get Their Shit Together’ as Heaven & Hell Near Capacity
Satan has one more soul today after talented country music legend Charlie Daniels passed away in a Nashville hospital this morning from a stroke. God says that Daniels’ famous song “The Devil Went Down to Georgia” was the main reason … Continue reading Charlie Daniels in Hell After Life of Encouraging Deals With the Devil
17-year old Brighton Phillips of Peoria, Arizona won an internship with NASA his senior year of high school and drove all the way to Goddard Space Flight Center in Maryland. On his first full day, Phillips was tasked with examining … Continue reading 17-year-old finds Heaven on first day of NASA internship
Although most Americans admit they aren’t worthy of going to Heaven, the vast majority also say that they haven’t made a plan for when they inevitably become God’s leftovers. What do you think? Continue reading Alarming: Most Americans have no plan for when they aren’t raptured
