stoned sprinter trainer bag of flamin hot cheetos finish line unfair advantage THC

Stoned Sprinter Given ‘Unfair Advantage’ By Trainer Waiting With Big Bag Of Flamin’ Hot Cheetos At Finish Line

The International Olympic Committee banned US sprinter Sha’Carri Richardson from participating in events this year after she tested positive for THC. When issuing their decision, the committee said that the drug would give Richardson an unfair advantage. “The last thing … Continue reading Stoned Sprinter Given ‘Unfair Advantage’ By Trainer Waiting With Big Bag Of Flamin’ Hot Cheetos At Finish Line

aaron rodgers continue play for packers to avoid madden curse

Aaron Rodgers Says He’s ‘Avoiding The Madden Curse’ By Continuing To Play For Green Bay Packers

Disgruntled Green Bay Packer’s quarterback Aaron Rodgers announced today that he plans to continue playing with the team despite major differences. Rodgers says he’s made this decision in order to ensure that he never faces the wrath of the Madden … Continue reading Aaron Rodgers Says He’s ‘Avoiding The Madden Curse’ By Continuing To Play For Green Bay Packers

dodgers change name to dogers after new sponsorship from dogecoin

Dodgers Move Forward With Name Change After New Sponsorship By Dogecoin

The team formerly known as the Los Angeles Dodgers now bears a slightly-adjusted, new name and team mascot. Now recognized as the Dogers, after Dogecoin became the team’s new sponsor, the new mascot will be the a Shiba Inu dog … Continue reading Dodgers Move Forward With Name Change After New Sponsorship By Dogecoin

house bill forces stand for rainbow flag and kiss same sex sports

Equality Bill Would Force All Americans To Salute Rainbow Flag Before Sporting Events

A Republican nightmare is unfolding as House Democrats passed a bill today that would require all US citizens to stand and salute the rainbow flag before every sporting event. The move comes just days after it became mandatory for US … Continue reading Equality Bill Would Force All Americans To Salute Rainbow Flag Before Sporting Events

Brett Favre Dick Pick Tattoo

Brett Favre Reveals New ‘Shut Up About Politics’ Tattoo In Latest Dick Pic

Just hours after declaring that athletes should keep personal politics out of sports, former NFL quarterback Brett Favre sent a series of unsolicited sexual photos to several female sports journalists at both CNN and Fox News. According to recipients, the … Continue reading Brett Favre Reveals New ‘Shut Up About Politics’ Tattoo In Latest Dick Pic

NFL Deflates 125 Footballs Down To Tom Bradys Ideal PSI In preparation For Super Bowl

72 Footballs Deflated To Tom Brady’s Ideal PSI In Preparation For Super Bowl

The NFL made the astonishing announcement today that they have deflated 72 footballs to Tom Brady’s ideal pounds per square inch (psi) in preparation for the Super Bowl. Unsurprisingly the revelation has left many in the league both baffled and … Continue reading 72 Footballs Deflated To Tom Brady’s Ideal PSI In Preparation For Super Bowl

charles barkley hospitalized after lodging entire foot in mouth

Charles Barkley Hospitalized After Firmly Lodging Size 16 Foot in Own Mouth

Former NBA player Charles Barkley was checked into the hospital last night after he told a stunned TV audience that NBA, NFL, and NHL players should be given the COVID-19 vaccine first “because they pay more in taxes.” By the … Continue reading Charles Barkley Hospitalized After Firmly Lodging Size 16 Foot in Own Mouth

New York Jets, football team Logo image in Vector cliparts category at pixy.org

Unable to Catch Anything, NY Jets Now Exempt From NFL’s COVID Rules

Citing the fact that the New York Jets are incapable of catching anything, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell announced today that the 0-11 team is now exempt from the league’s COVID rules. “Since they clearly couldn’t catch anything to save their … Continue reading Unable to Catch Anything, NY Jets Now Exempt From NFL’s COVID Rules

Denver Broncos Remove kissing from practice COVID 4 Quarterbacks

Broncos Remove Open-Mouth Kissing From Practice After All 4 QBs Get COVID

The Denver Broncos are in a rough spot today as all four of their quarterbacks were exposed to the coronavirus and must sit out of today’s game. Contact tracing is now leading the Broncos to believe that it was their … Continue reading Broncos Remove Open-Mouth Kissing From Practice After All 4 QBs Get COVID

Louisiana to bring back football warns 100 chance of death

Louisiana to Bring Back Football, Warns of 100% Death Rate to Those Who Stand In the Way

Louisiana Governor John Bel Edwards was strong-armed into beginning Phase 3 of reopening today despite COVID-19 cases in his state being on the rise. Edwards says the move is “not ideal, but necessary” due to the fact that citizens said … Continue reading Louisiana to Bring Back Football, Warns of 100% Death Rate to Those Who Stand In the Way

Mike Ditka Says He’s Having a Hard Time Achieving Orgasm During the National Anthem

Former NFL player and coach Mike Ditka says he’s having an increasingly difficult time achieving orgasm during the national anthem like he used to. Ditka says the reason for his troubles is that he’s become distracted by liberals sitting, keeling, … Continue reading Mike Ditka Says He’s Having a Hard Time Achieving Orgasm During the National Anthem

Local Man Who Can ‘Totally Outpitch’ 79-Year-Old Fauci Somehow Can’t Handle Players Kneeling

(Buffalo, New York) Local man Bryan James, who proudly announced from the couch today that he could outpitch 79-year-old Dr. Fauci, somehow couldn’t find the strength to watch as members of the Yankees and Nationals took a knee before today’s … Continue reading Local Man Who Can ‘Totally Outpitch’ 79-Year-Old Fauci Somehow Can’t Handle Players Kneeling

Washington Redskins Keep Their Original Name & Change Mascot to a Red Potato

Well, it’s not what anyone expected, but it’s something. The Washington Redskins have announced that they will be keeping their original name, but changing their mascot to a red potato. “You’ll notice that the red potato has a red colored … Continue reading Washington Redskins Keep Their Original Name & Change Mascot to a Red Potato

NFL Says It’s Going to Play Trump’s ‘Grab Her By the Pussy’ Tape Before Every Game

The National Football League announced today that it will be playing three distinct audio files before each football game throughout the 2020 season. First, the black national anthem, second the Billy Bush-Access Hollywood tape in which president Trump says ‘Grab … Continue reading NFL Says It’s Going to Play Trump’s ‘Grab Her By the Pussy’ Tape Before Every Game

UCLA Football Fires Chip Kelly, Hires Dr. Anthony Fauci as Head Coach

UCLA has fired head coach Chip Kelly and replaced him with the Director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, Dr. Anthony Fauci. The schools says the decision comes after realizing that they can’t win if the whole … Continue reading UCLA Football Fires Chip Kelly, Hires Dr. Anthony Fauci as Head Coach