Hurricanes Laura and Marco multiplied into eight storms today after the Trump administration detonated nuclear weapons inside of the two weather systems in hopes of destroying them. Meteorologists say that people in the path of the hurricanes should prepare themselves … Continue reading Double Hurricane Becomes Eight Radioactive Storms After US Nukes Weather Systems
Tropical Storm Karen was upgraded from an ‘Unreasonable Twat’ to a category ‘I Demand to Speak to the Manager’ hurricane this morning. Experts monitoring the storm say they expect to see Karen intensify into a devastating ‘She Took the Kids.’ … Continue reading Tropical Storm Karen upgraded to category ‘I Demand to Speak to the Manager’ hurricane
We’ve all seen the president sniffling and rubbing his nose, but we now know his drug-of-choice was actually marker huffing, not cocaine. Yesterday, after Trump held up an inaccurate, Sharpie-altered map of Hurricane Dorian’s trajectory, countless Sharpie memes mocking the … Continue reading Trump frantically seeks new high after ordering all Sharpies be removed from the White House
House democrats killed a republican-sponsored bill today that would have allowed president Trump to detonate nukes in the eyes of hurricanes utilizing trained dolphins. The 272-158 vote reportedly infuriated the president who immediately went on Twitter to vent his anger. Continue reading Trump temporarily blocked from using nuclear armed dolphins against hurricanes
At a morning press conference at Camp David, President Trump managed to stun reporters when he said 10 words in a row that all worked to form both a complete thought and a grammatically correct sentence. The rare moment of … Continue reading Feeling cocky, President Trump strings together 10 words to form a complete, coherent sentence
The swing state of Florida, which is home to the notorious “Florida Man” constituency, is about to be hit by category-4 Hurricane Dorian. In an attempt to keep as many of his inept voters alive and happy, President Trump is … Continue reading Trump sends $1.3 billion in hurricane relief to help protect “Florida Man” constituency
As tropical storm Dorian heads toward Puerto Rico, White House aides are are scrambling once again, trying to convince the president that the island is a US territory. Sources in the White House say Trump remained confident that the US … Continue reading White House scrambles to convince Trump that Puerto Rico is part of the US as tropical storm Dorian approaches
“Honestly, I think we’re just going to move every piece of debris 10 feet to the right and see if that helps,” Long stated. Continue reading Bewildered Hurricane Responders Begin Arduous Task of ‘Moving Everything 10 Feet to the Right’
“It appears that he was not remotely aware of the situation and still probably isn’t.” Continue reading Trump Threatens Italy as Florence Strikes Coast
“I hate to say this folks, but it’s to the point where we may have to make something up.” Continue reading FOX News Anxiously Awaits Another Tragedy
The North Korean leader then flipped open a glass-encased red button, pressed it, and was immediately torn apart – along with the rest of his country – by a faulty nuclear missile. Continue reading North Korea Accidentally Nukes Itself
The 43rd President even took time to take several photos with other U.S. citizens who had been summoned.
Those who met Bush said that he was very lively and animated. Continue reading Former President George W. Bush Rejected From Jury Duty
