As tropical storm Dorian heads toward Puerto Rico, White House aides are are scrambling once again, trying to convince the president that the island is a US territory. Sources in the White House say Trump remained confident that the US was helping a foreign nation throughout the aftermath of Hurricane Maria and he carries that sentiment to this day. “One problem is distance. The president can’t get past the fact that Puerto Rico is so far away,” an anonymous staffer stated. “In fact, we even have to spend an hour a week reminding Mr. Trump that Alaska and Hawaii are states.” “Then there’s the color issue,” the staffer added. “He asks things like, ‘If they’re American, why are they all brown?’ and honestly, all of us in the White House have a hard time pushing back. He has a point there.” Photo credit Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff
After being reminded countless times that Puerto Rico is a part of the United States, president Trump has decided to trade the island for Greenland. “Puerto Rico can’t get their act together,” Trump stated. “So we’re going to swap it out for a nice, white, rich and pristine island. It has ‘green’ in the name, but it’s covered in ice. How about that folks!? Greenland, which is an autonomous country of the Kingdom of Denmark, says Trump can go ahead and fuck himself.