Chick-Fil-A Announces It Will Open On Sundays Under Leadership Of Atheist Employees

Chick-fil-A says they’ll stop exclusively killing and serving gay chickens

After decades or targeting the homosexual chicken community, Chick-fil-A says they’ll no longer actively source LGBTQ fowl to serve in their restaurants. The announcement comes as a shock to many, as the company had never mentioned the practice before. Meanwhile, … Continue reading Chick-fil-A says they’ll stop exclusively killing and serving gay chickens

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Whole Foods overrun with live chickens after supplier forgets to kill them before delivering to stores

Whole Foods locations are teeming with loose chickens after Tyson Chicken farms forgot to slaughter the animals before shipping out nearly 2 million birds to the stores. “Admittedly, we missed some steps,” Tyson Foods CEO Donnie Smith stated. Meanwhile, Whole … Continue reading Whole Foods overrun with live chickens after supplier forgets to kill them before delivering to stores

KFC: “We will pour piping hot coffee down the front of your pants”

In an effort to “lure those who have given up on life” into their restaurants, KFC is now selling a 3,450 calorie fried Chicken & Donut sandwich meant to induce heart attacks while offering to dump hot coffee all over … Continue reading KFC: “We will pour piping hot coffee down the front of your pants”

Popeyes held at gunpoint by man demanding chicken sandwiches called a ‘False Flag’ by Chick-fil-A, Wendy’s

Popeyes is being accused of carrying out a covert operation designed to make their chicken sandwiches appear worthy of armed robbery. Popeyes says the alleged altercation took place last night as the fast food restaurant located in east Houston was … Continue reading Popeyes held at gunpoint by man demanding chicken sandwiches called a ‘False Flag’ by Chick-fil-A, Wendy’s

KFC completely drops meat and changes name to Kentucky Fried Chickpeas

After a warm reception while testing out plant-based protein at an Atlanta location, KFC is completely switching over to imitation meat and changing its name to Kentucky Fried Chickpeas. The fast food restaurant cites lower costs and environmental reasons for … Continue reading KFC completely drops meat and changes name to Kentucky Fried Chickpeas

Mississippi Has Been Feeding Its Unsuspecting Residents Vegan, Plant-Based Protein Since 2009

“It’s safe to say that most residents of the state of Mississippi have been vegetarian, or close to it, since 2009.” – Governor Phil Bryant Continue reading Mississippi Has Been Feeding Its Unsuspecting Residents Vegan, Plant-Based Protein Since 2009

Steve Cohen Sparks Massive Dumpster Fire on House Floor, Bites Heads Off of Live Chickens

Cohen poured 14 gallons of gasoline, began playing ‘Spark the Fire’ by Gwen Stefani, and lit the contents of the dumpster before biting the heads off several chickens. Continue reading Steve Cohen Sparks Massive Dumpster Fire on House Floor, Bites Heads Off of Live Chickens