Since Starbucks released its Pumpkin Spice latte back in 2003 Americans have recycled the same tired jokes about basic bitch valley girls, UGG boots, North Face vests and sucking down concentrated type-2 diabetes. Scientists now say that after 16 years … Continue reading After 16 years everyone can shut the fuck up about pumpkin spice, scientists say
In an effort to “lure those who have given up on life” into their restaurants, KFC is now selling a 3,450 calorie fried Chicken & Donut sandwich meant to induce heart attacks while offering to dump hot coffee all over … Continue reading KFC: “We will pour piping hot coffee down the front of your pants”
Japan will resume the commercial killing of overweight citizens in an effort to curb the population of the island and supplement dwindling soybean supplies. Continue reading Japan Resumes Hunting of Overweight Citizens After 30-Year Ban
Booker’s 15 minute ventriloquism act included a perfectly performed impersonation of Sesame Street’s best-known character. Continue reading Senator Cory Booker & Elmo Remind Americans: “Despite Incredibly Hot Beard, Ted Cruz is Still a Douche”
“I think that my aunt needing 57 stitches in the buttcheeks and rectal region is a strong selling point for the product.” – Kholer President & CEO Continue reading Demand for Structurally-Reinforced Toilets Spikes as More Obese Americans Poop With Their Smart Phones
The 1,750 calorie meal has made its return for the month of February only. Continue reading McDonald’s is Giving Away Red Heart Disease Awareness T-Shirts With Purchase of Grand Big Mac Meal
Female researches have remained cold and distant, uninterested in helping to solve this growing problem. Continue reading Most American Males have Larger Boobs Than Their Wives
“America leads the world in pretty much everything awesome, there’s no need to even research that because everyone knows it. Fact. Period. Soaring eagles. End of story. But, did you know that…” Continue reading 6 More Ways America Leads The World
Grossly obese Republican Presidential candidate and New Jersey Governor Chris Christie has been banned from further debates until he can become fully aware of both himself and the world around him. The ban, which was handed down by the Republican … Continue reading Chris Christie Banned From Debates Until He Can Gain Self-Awareness
