Trump Couldn’t Take SATs Due to ‘Bone Spurs in His Buttocks’

It was revealed today by Donald Trump’s niece Mary that the president cheated on his SATs by having someone else take the exam for him. The White House has admitted to the allegation and Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany provided an … Continue reading Trump Couldn’t Take SATs Due to ‘Bone Spurs in His Buttocks’

Republicans line up to eat Trump’s ass after impeachment acquittal

Republican Senators formed an orderly line today on the Senate floor in order to eat out president Trump’s asshole. The hour long tongue bath began right after the elected officials cast their votes to acquit the president of high crimes … Continue reading Republicans line up to eat Trump’s ass after impeachment acquittal

Holy Hell: Pope Francis slapped a woman who grabbed his ass while he was dancing on NYE

A visibly shocked and annoyed Pope Francis had to slap a woman in a crowd at St Peter’s Square during a New Year’s Eve party after she aggressively and repeatedly grabbed his ass. Francis, who had been twerking through the square, had just … Continue reading Holy Hell: Pope Francis slapped a woman who grabbed his ass while he was dancing on NYE

USDA adds 'Ass' to MyPlate nutritional guide to relate to today's youth

USDA adds ‘Ass’ to MyPlate nutritional guide in misguided effort to relate to today’s youth

The USDA is defending itself after adding ‘Ass’ to the MyPlate nutritional guide in an effort grab attention, look cool and fit in with current youth culture. One promotional poster that was sent to schools recommends eating ass twice daily. … Continue reading USDA adds ‘Ass’ to MyPlate nutritional guide in misguided effort to relate to today’s youth

President Trump’s thick butt-cheek implants are leaking lead into his bloodstream

Physician to the president Sean Conley revealed today that president Trump’s massive butt-cheek implants have been leaking lead into his bloodstream for months; maybe even years. “Symptoms of lead poisoning include learning disabilities, constipation, hyperactivity, and irritability,” Conley stated. “The … Continue reading President Trump’s thick butt-cheek implants are leaking lead into his bloodstream

Un-Holy Cow! Chick-fil-A ads get dirty after KFC introduces sexy Colonel Sanders

Fast food chains have lost their minds and Chick-fil-A is no exception. Just yesterday Kentucky Fried Chicken revealed a hot, young and sexy Colonel Sanders and now Chick-fil-A is putting it all on the table with its new “Eat Mor … Continue reading Un-Holy Cow! Chick-fil-A ads get dirty after KFC introduces sexy Colonel Sanders

US Dept. Of Health: ‘Never Stick Anything Larger than a Grapefruit Up Your Butt’

“Remember, we’re only talking about girth. So if you wanted to tape 7 oversized grapefruits together and play hide the citrus in your [expletive], you could absolutely do that.” Secretary Alex Azar stated. Continue reading US Dept. Of Health: ‘Never Stick Anything Larger than a Grapefruit Up Your Butt’