Elon Musk Missing After DOGE’s CIA Audit: Agency Claims New, Completely Different Person Has “Always Been Elon”

Elon Musk has mysteriously vanished after attempting to audit the CIA’s top-secret budget – a task that apparently triggered the one thing Musk couldn’t outsmart: his own AI. Some sources claim that Musk’s disappearance wasn’t orchestrated by shadowy government agents … Continue reading Elon Musk Missing After DOGE’s CIA Audit: Agency Claims New, Completely Different Person Has “Always Been Elon”

Brad Parscale Demoted From Campaign Manager to Guy Who Hands Glass of Water to Trump When He Wants to Prove He Knows How to Drink Water

Brad Parscale Demoted From Campaign Manager to Guy Who Hands Bottle of Water to Trump When He Wants to Prove He Knows How to Drink Water

Trump campaign manager Brad Parscale has been demoted to being the guy who hands president Trump a bottle of water when he wants to prove that he knows how to drink water. Parscale has been replaced by Bill Stepien, a … Continue reading Brad Parscale Demoted From Campaign Manager to Guy Who Hands Bottle of Water to Trump When He Wants to Prove He Knows How to Drink Water

Man Who Has Never Celebrated Columbus Day Says He’ll Be Livid if It’s Cancelled

Unsure of exactly what Columbus Day is, or how or why people celebrate it, local man Tim Morris of Delafield, Wisconsin says he’ll be absolutely livid if lawmakers remove the holiday. “This doesn’t impact Tim or anyone I know at … Continue reading Man Who Has Never Celebrated Columbus Day Says He’ll Be Livid if It’s Cancelled

UCLA Football Fires Chip Kelly, Hires Dr. Anthony Fauci as Head Coach

UCLA has fired head coach Chip Kelly and replaced him with the Director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, Dr. Anthony Fauci. The schools says the decision comes after realizing that they can’t win if the whole … Continue reading UCLA Football Fires Chip Kelly, Hires Dr. Anthony Fauci as Head Coach

Fauci Out, Undertaker In: Trump Replaces Head Immunologist With Pro Wrestling Legend

Just three days after retweeting a call for Dr. Anthony Fauci’s removal, Donald Trump made the firing official today by axing the Director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases. The president’s decision was announced Thursday afternoon immediately … Continue reading Fauci Out, Undertaker In: Trump Replaces Head Immunologist With Pro Wrestling Legend