Muttering to himself “it had better fucking work this time,” Donald Trump held up a box of rat poison today and told supporters that it was yet another cure for COVID-19. Privately, Trump admitted that the move was just another … Continue reading Trump Tells Supporters to Eat Deadly Rat Poison
A recent study by Princeton University comparing George W. Bush and Donald J. Trump to former, non-drug-addicted presidents definitively shows that the United States would have been better off electing someone who was sober and less racist. “We found that … Continue reading Study Shows Country Would Be Better Off Run by Someone Who is Sober, Less Racist
A tweaked-out Laura Ingraham ended her show on FOX News last night by smoking copious amounts of methamphetamines at her desk. She then wandered off set and came zooming back with a cold steak, plastic straws, and lightbulbs from the … Continue reading Laura Ingraham does meth on live TV, then tries to conduct electricity using a steak
“I saw the whole thing. Very odd, very sad.” – Senator Bernie Sanders Continue reading Elizabeth Warren Drinks Six Beers, Then Drunkenly Proposes a Warren-Sanders Presidential Ticket on Live TV
“It’s hard to keep the kids clean and the depression buried deep, deep down inside. Purell lets you do both.” Continue reading Soccer Moms Are Drinking Purell to Take the Edge Off This Summer
“The investigation is not meant to be a space expedition. Unfortunately, we don’t have a Space Force yet.” – Kellyanne Conway Continue reading Sexual Predator Could be 2nd Alien on Supreme Court
