Duped at the deli counter? How to avoid coming home with a newborn baby again

YouReadyGrandma

“We’re not sure where they come from, I have not clue how people are accidentally bringing them home, but we’re not – under any circumstance – accepting any returns.”

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Bernie Sanders blew out all 78 of his birthday candles in a single deafening shout

YouReadyGrandma

Senator Bernie Sanders celebrated his 78th birthday at his Vermont home today with friends, family, food and a big birthday cake. When the group finished singing Happy Birthday, Sanders – in a single 78-second shout – blew out all of the candles on the cake. In the process, the presidential candidate set off several nearby car alarms and shattered his own glasses.

Popeyes held at gunpoint by man demanding chicken sandwiches called a ‘False Flag’ by Chick-fil-A, Wendy’s

YouReadyGrandma

Popeyes is being accused of carrying out a covert operation designed to make their chicken sandwiches appear worthy of armed robbery. Popeyes says the alleged altercation took place last night as the fast food restaurant located in east Houston was closing. Competitor Chick-fil-A was quick to call bullshit on the incident with Wendy’s almost immediately following suit. Meanwhile, Wendy’s is rumored to be planning an extended standoff at one Atlanta location while the more extreme Chick-fil-A is seriously considering flying planes into competitor establishments.

Pope Francis pooped in an elevator today after being stuck in it for just 25 minutes

YouReadyGrandma

“Once I hit the 20-minute mark there was a turtle head poking out. Just in and out, in and out it went,” Francis gestured with his fingertip through an O-shape on his other hand.

Tired of nonstop mass shootings? Dive-in and take cover at Red Lobster for Endless Shrimp

YouReadyGrandma

Bring your kids in during the school day for some savory seafood as we assault your senses with garlic shrimp scampi, crunchy fiesta shrimp or sesame-ginger grilled shrimp.

NFL buys 3,500 human kidneys for football bladders every year

YouReadyGrandma

The NFL is in hot water again – this time for using human kidneys as football bladders which are used in official game balls during the regular and post-season. For 14 seasons the NFL has purchased over 3,500 kidneys on a yearly basis from medical facilities. During the same time, the US kidney transplant waiting list has grown and now nears 100,000 patients. “We get that families are mad that donated kidneys aren’t being used as intended.” NFL commissioner Roger Goodell stated. “But isn’t it exciting to think that, after you die, your kidney could be inside of the ball that scores the game-winning touchdown in the Superbowl?” Photo credit Andy Miah

Frozen waffles are for tasteless psychopaths

YouReadyGrandma

If you enjoy eating frozen shit saucers that come out of the toaster one of two ways: burnt to a crisp or looking like someone fucked it to death, then you are a certified psychopath.

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