A restraining order was handed down to NASA on Tuesday after one of their spacecrafts was seen lurking near the Sun before it penetrated the massive ball of fire; touching it right on the atmosphere. Here’s what people are saying: Continue reading NASA Slapped With A Restraining Order After Probing The Sun’s Atmosphere
NASA announced today that it will be launching Texas Senator Ted Cruz into space next month in an attempt to redirect an asteroid that will pass nearby Earth. Scientists say Cruz’s body will not be put inside a capsule, but … Continue reading NASA To Launch Ted Cruz 15,000 MPH Into Asteroid To Test Defenses
Sources are reporting that billionaire Richard Branson quickly became bored with today’s space flight just seconds after passengers began experiencing weightlessness. “The spaceship was at the top of its flight path, 50-plus miles high, suspended in weightlessness while allowing the … Continue reading Unimpressed: Richard Branson Said He Was ‘Over Space’ Only Seconds Into Weightlessness
Jeff Bezos announced today that he will be flying to outer space next month on Blue Origin’s New Shepard Rocket in order to “get a better look at Earth” before deciding if he wants to buy it. The flight, which … Continue reading Jeff Bezos Going To Space ‘To Get A Better Look At Earth’ Before Potentially Buying It
Despite having already accumulated over $188 billion in wealth, an amendment has been added to legislation in the US Senate that will allow Jeff Bezos to receive another $10 billion from NASA — money that will most likely go directly toward … Continue reading ‘C’mon Jeff, Do You Really Need Another $10 Billion?’ Bezos Asks Himself Before Slowly Grinning, Laughing Maniacally In Mirror
China announced today that it will be launching its first massive shuttle filled with hundreds of elderly citizens into a supermassive black hole. With China’s 65 and older population expected to reach 487 million, or nearly 35 percent by 2050, … Continue reading China will launch their elderly into a supermassive black hole large enough to quietly solve their population problem
“There’s no room for every musky man to lie down on the concrete, so they have to get creative with the cuddling. It just looks like a great experience.” – Mike Pence Continue reading Mike Pence Pops a Boner During Visit to U.S. Concentration Camp
“You can rest assured that somewhere, in an existing but undetectable universe, another version of you is out there having a meaningful, fulfilling life.” Continue reading Yes, There’s a Parallel Universe Where You Aren’t a Total Piece of Shit
“It’s sad to think how much we could have achieved if we hadn’t installed so much BDSM programming.” Continue reading Mars Rover Found Dead From Auto-Erotic Asphyxiation
