With church services across the US cancelled and “God continuing to rightfully punish humans with the coronavirus,” Father Joseph Stevenson of St. Elmo’s Fire Church in Birmingham, Alabama decided to strip nude in his empty church and frolic about; just … Continue reading Priest Who Finally Has Church All to Himself Dances Around in the Nude
Completely oblivious of the Coronavirus, Canadian rock band Nickelback has continued the United States leg of their “All the Right Reasons” world tour as the typical crowd size of seven people hasn’t dwindled since the outbreak began. Public health officials … Continue reading Unaware of Coronavirus, Nickelback Continues Tour of Playing to Empty Stadiums
(Waukesha, WI) Because of the coronavirus, local man Jeremy Rhiner says he’s preparing for the very real possibility that he will have to drive his three kids 1,274 miles to Disney World. “It’s probably only a matter of time before … Continue reading Dreaded Family Road Trip Becoming a Real Possibility as Coronavirus Spreads
After the artists who created the Philadelphia Phanatic mascot asked to be compensated for their work, the Philadelphia Phillies went ahead and modified the character to avoid making a payout. The team says that other than adding a two-foot cock, … Continue reading Phillies Add Giant Cock to Phanatic to Avoid Copyright Infringement
A new study by UCLA has identified a subsection of pickup truck drivers that have even smaller penises than the average truck owner: men with lifted trucks. The conclusive findings clearly show that there is an inverse correlation between truck … Continue reading UCLA Study: Men With Lifted Trucks Have Even Smaller Penises Than Originally Thought
President Trump served as the Grand Marshall at this year’s Daytona 500 yesterday. The race marked the 19th anniversary of Dale Earnhardt’s fatal crash at the same event and president Trump had harsh words for the deceased race car driver. … Continue reading Trump on Dale Earnhardt: ‘I Prefer Drivers Who Don’t Crash’
Bristol, UK – Famed street artist Banksy is taking heat after painting the side of his ex’s home and then demolishing the structure just 5 hours later. The artwork had depicted the same girl with a red heart balloon from … Continue reading Banksy Demolishes Ex’s Entire House Just Hours After Painting It
1 in 4 people are chronic snorers, and if you’re reading this, we know that you’re desperately looking for a solution that will end your partner’s snoring for good. So here it is, plain and simple: this quick lifehack will … Continue reading Lifehack: How 35 Weighted Blankets Can Get Your Partner to Stop Snoring for Good
Scientists at the World Health Organization (WHO) announced today that internet celebrity Belle Delphine’s bathwater was the initial source of the coronavirus. According to the cosplay star’s website, Delphine has sold her dirty bathwater to fans across the globe – … Continue reading Belle Delphine’s Bathwater Identified as Source of Coronavirus
The White House announced today that a new scaly friend – Nagini the presidential python – would now be living at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. President Trump, who is openly averse to dogs, surprised the country with his pet choice. “Nagini … Continue reading First Family Welcomes Nagini the Presidential Python to the White House
USA Today has gone ahead and finally settled the long debate over what tastes better: eating ass or gagging on an In-N-Out burger. Using over 100 volunteers, the newspaper had participants blindfolded before being told to stick their tongues out. … Continue reading USA Today hails eating ass as better than In-N-Out Burger
Vanilla Coke fans are up in arms after Coca-Cola announced they’d be modifying their recipe to no longer include castoreum: a mixture of the anal secretions and urine of beavers that is also found in perfume. Notably, the FDA approves the use of … Continue reading Beaver urine and anal gland juices to be removed from Vanilla Coke recipe
John and Sarah Malbeck of Chippewa Falls, Wisconsin say a rocking chair they inherited when they purchased their first home is haunted by an incredibly boring ghost. The chair, which has been in the basement since the couple moved in, … Continue reading Old, wooden rocking chair is haunted by a really boring ghost
After taking over 5,200 photographs of male genetalia, experts at Cornell University have released a computer-generated image of what the average male penis looks like. This is an image of the most basic dick: Continue reading Guys: This is what the average penis looks like
For most cat owners, washing your cat is something you don’t really put much thought into. We all think we do it the right way, but that’s probably not true. For starters, most of us don’t wash our cats as … Continue reading Stinky Kitty? Here are 3 signs you’re washing your cat wrong
The Houston Astros returned over 750 signs today that the team stole from various cities they played in during 2019. Continue reading Astros return pile of signs they stole last season
The blessing of the official Bible of the US Space Force took place today and religious groups are livid after learning the selected Bible was written in Galactic Basic; the common language found in Star Wars. The White House confirmed … Continue reading Space Force Bible written in Galactic Basic and blessed at National Cathedral sparks outrage
Former Pope Benedict released his new book today entitled From the Depths of Our Loins: Silk Boxers & Swollen Balls. The book aims to educate the public on the sexual struggles that come with being a clergyman. What do you … Continue reading Retired Pope Benedict breaks silence on blue balls, wet dreams in Church life, and nobody wants to hear it
