Representatives from the Green Bay Packers organization have admitted to the press that quarterback Aaron Rodgers’ helmet was custom made with a thick tin foil liner at his request. The team says that Rodgers wears […]
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Citing a lack of anonymity as being their primary mistake, countless arrested domestic terrorists who stormed the Capitol now say they regret not wearing white, pointy hoods like their grandparents had during riots past. “Collectively, […]
57-year-old death row inmate and serial killer Kyle Perklans was forcibly removed from the Louisiana State Penitentiary today after refusing to follow the institution’s mask guidelines. Perklans, who was scheduled to die from lethal injection […]
Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer announced this afternoon that president Donald Trump has been banned from her state. The announcement comes hours after Trump broke state law by not wearing a face mask during his visit […]
An attempt to clue the Vice President in using his teleprompter backfired; resulting in Pence aggressively shouting “There’s a tail sticking out of your ass” in the middle of an impassioned speech on moral decay in America.