Disputed leader of Venezuela Nicolás Maduro revealed today that the entire Venezuelan economy was “currently riding on a handful of Gamestop shares” as the corrupt authoritarian admitted that he threw all of the country’s remaining […]
An in-depth study by the University of California-Berkeley revealed today that the number of Americans who drown in a swimming pool last year far surpassed the amount of people who have ever received any helpful […]
Secretary of Commerce and ventriloquist dummy come-to-life Wilbur Ross publicly announced today that he prays the spread of the coronavirus will bring “death economy jobs” to America. “With the titilating prospect of the coronavirus becoming […]
US Steel, the nation’s second largest producer of steel, will be laying off over 200 employees as a way of celebrating the impacts of Trump’s tariffs. “We’re doing so well that we’ve fulfilled all the […]
Notably, avocado pits are the perfect choking hazard for anyone that’s tired of living with their parents.
“At least 87% of lotion used by men is vigorously rubbed on less than 1% of their bodies.”
Maybe I give some intellectual property to China and maybe in return they build me a wall on the border using those Nike worker children. Can we do this? I don’t know folks, but we’re going to try.”