In a shocking turn of events, J.D. Vance has abruptly ended his bid to be Donald Trump’s vice-presidential running mate upon discovering a crucial piece of misinformation. Sources close to the campaign revealed that Vance, who had enthusiastically accepted the nomination, was under the impression that the former president was, in fact, an oversized, rustic burnt sienna love seat.

“J.D. was really excited about the prospect of working with a love seat of such grandeur,” a campaign insider disclosed. “He had even picked out throw pillows that matched. But when he found out that Trump was just a regular human being, the dream was shattered.”

The confusion began when Vance, an avid reader of Leather & Stud Furniture Magazine, misinterpreted a series of metaphorical descriptions of Trump’s political style in an opinion piece as literal. “We should have seen it coming,” commented a political analyst. “After all, Trump has been described as a lot of things, and an oversized love seat is not far from reality.”

Vance’s team scrambled to manage the fallout. “He just couldn’t get past the idea that his running mate wouldn’t come with the comfort and support of a plush, distressed leather finish,” said a close aide. “The realization that Trump was not the cozy, inviting piece of furniture he had envisioned soaking in was too much to bear.”

In a heartfelt statement, Vance expressed his profound disappointment: “I have always believed in the power of rustic charm and the stability of well-crafted, leather furniture. This revelation has fundamentally altered my understanding of the campaign and my place within those supple cushions. I wish Mr. Trump the best in his search for a new vice-presidential candidate who shares his vision and can make heads or tails of his appearance.”

Meanwhile, Trump, who was reportedly amused by the entire affair, posted, “J.D. is a great guy, but I’ve never been a piece of furniture. 💡Many new ideas on how to get women to sit on my lap. Sad to see him go, but the show must go on!”