The NFL informed reporters today that SoFi Stadium – where the Super Bowl will be played – has been equipped with a huge misting system that will spray the entire stadium with 70% isopropyl alcohol throughout the game. The NFL … Continue reading SoFi Stadium’s New Anti-Covid Misting System Will ‘Gently Sprinkle Fans With Disinfectant’ During The Super Bowl
(Knoxville, TN) Local man Brian McMillan, who is an anti-science, anti-mask, anti-pope, anti-vaxxer has found himself so against everything that he’s now stuck saying no to everyone no matter what. McMillan says the new affliction has caused him to regret … Continue reading Anti-Science Anti-Mask Anti-Pope Anti-Vaxxer Just Saying ‘No’ To Everything At This Point
Dr. Anthonoy Fauci released a statement today warning Americans that as mask mandates are lifted “it will become harder and harder to spot the assholes in a crowd.” “Watching people scream in public and refuse to wear masks will soon … Continue reading Fauci Warns ‘It’ll Be Harder To Spot The Assholes’ As Mask Mandates Are Lifted
Looking to ease the nation’s worries that the United States is on the brink of civil war, historians have come together to point out that too many Trump supporters have gotten COVID for the modern day South to physically rise … Continue reading Civil War ‘Unlikely’ as Most Trump Supporters Are Sick With COVID
Over 22,400 Americans have choked to death in 2020 – more than four times the yearly average. Experts say the cause is an uptick in less intelligent Americans finally agreeing to wear masks and then forgetting to remove them before … Continue reading Are Masks Safe?: Choking Deaths Quadruple as Americans Forget to Remove Masks Before Eating
(Hibbing, Minnesota) The very last brain cell of diehard Trump supporter Doug Wilkins is dead sure that liberals are going to stop wearing masks now that the president has called putting on the protective gear a ‘patriotic’ act. “The president … Continue reading Man’s Last Brain Cell Certain Liberals Won’t Wear Masks Now That Trump Calls Them ‘Patriotic’
57-year-old death row inmate and serial killer Kyle Perklans was forcibly removed from the Louisiana State Penitentiary today after refusing to follow the institution’s mask guidelines. Perklans, who was scheduled to die from lethal injection on Saturday night, is now … Continue reading Death Row Inmate Kicked Out of Prison For Refusing to Wear a Mask
When asked again today by reporters why he wouldn’t set a good example for the country by wearing a mask, president Trump angered many with his response. “I’m tired of the mask question. You know who should really be wearing … Continue reading Trump: ‘Women Should Wear Masks If They’re Ugly’
Sources inside the White House revealed today that president Trump refuses to wear a mask because he is afraid of the R.L. Stine children’s horror book The Haunted Mask in which a Halloween mask slowly becomes part of the main … Continue reading Trump Won’t Wear a Mask Because He’s Afraid of This Goosebumps Book
Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer announced this afternoon that president Donald Trump has been banned from her state. The announcement comes hours after Trump broke state law by not wearing a face mask during his visit to a Michigan Ford plant … Continue reading Michigan Bans Trump, Revokes ‘Man of The Year’ Award
Lines, foot traffic, parking, and people have now become reasonable at Costco locations across the country thanks to a nationwide boycott of the chain by idiots who refuse to follow the store’s mask-wearing requirement. Costco says the boycott has ‘undoubtedly … Continue reading Costco: ‘Mask Boycott Has Undoubtedly Improved the Quality of Our Clientele’
A group of white supremacists, anti-government militias, extremists – and what we are assuming are some very fine people – gathered today outside of the the capital building in Richmond, Virginia wearing masquerade outfits to protest background checks for purchasing … Continue reading Gun rights activists show stylish side by wearing masquerade ball outfits while carry guns around Virginia’s capital
