The corpse of Jeffrey Epstein was found hanging from a tree outside his mausoleum in Loxahatchee, Florida tonight. 

Authorities say two night watchmen skipped one of their rounds, and that’s when Epstein killed himself. Again.

“What’s clear is that we have a suicide on our hands,” Loxahatchee Police Chief Jason Whitefield confirmed. “Mr. Epstein knew he’d be confined to that casket indefinitely. We believe he made the decision to end his life sometime during the night.”

”He left a note confessing everything! Even specifically stating that I’m NOT on his client list… WHICH NEVER EVEN EXISTED!” Trump posted on Truth Social. “If this doesn’t put a neat little bow on it, I don’t know what does.”

Minutes later, Elon Musk posted a screenshot of Trump’s message on X, captioning it:

“We’re running out of ways to say this isn’t suspicious.”