The Washington Redskins announced today that they’ve finally found a more fitting name for their organization after it was revealed that at least 15 women have reported instances of sexual harassment, including unwanted touching. The franchise says that after much … Continue reading Redskins Change Name to Washington Gropers
Well, it’s not what anyone expected, but it’s something. The Washington Redskins have announced that they will be keeping their original name, but changing their mascot to a red potato. “You’ll notice that the red potato has a red colored … Continue reading Washington Redskins Keep Their Original Name & Change Mascot to a Red Potato
The National Football League announced today that it will be playing three distinct audio files before each football game throughout the 2020 season. First, the black national anthem, second the Billy Bush-Access Hollywood tape in which president Trump says ‘Grab … Continue reading NFL Says It’s Going to Play Trump’s ‘Grab Her By the Pussy’ Tape Before Every Game
UCLA has fired head coach Chip Kelly and replaced him with the Director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, Dr. Anthony Fauci. The schools says the decision comes after realizing that they can’t win if the whole … Continue reading UCLA Football Fires Chip Kelly, Hires Dr. Anthony Fauci as Head Coach
A handful of NASCAR drivers led by Ray Ciccarelli have announced that they plan to start a new stock car racing league. Ciccarelli says the move is a direct rebuke of NASCAR’s ban on the Confederate flag from all official … Continue reading Drivers Start New Racing Association After NASCAR’s Confederate Flag Ban
Countless white fans are itching for sports and their championship games to resume so that they have their own reason to loot and riot. One Philadelphia Eagles fan, Michael Hillard, says he’s been wanting to “fuck some shit up” for … Continue reading White People Long for Sports Championships to Resume So They Have a Reason to Riot Too
With the Cincinnati Bengals cutting Andy Dalton, the NFL says it has finally cleared the entire league of openly-redheaded players. NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell praised the move by the Bengals, calling people with red hair a ‘distraction’. “We’ve been trying … Continue reading NFL Finally Rids League of Redheads After Bengals Cut Andy Dalton
Echoing the famous line from the 2005 hit film Brokeback Mountain, an emotional Rob Gronkowski announced his return to the NFL by telling former teammate and star quarterback Tom Brady that he was coming back just to be with him. … Continue reading ‘I Can’t Quit You!’ Gronkowski Tells Brady During NFL Comeback Announcement
Senator Lindsey Olin Graham, a Southern belle from the great state of South Carolina, suggested to the public today that they all head to the stables, hop on their favorite horse, and play a rousing game of polo. “A horseback … Continue reading Senator Lindsey Graham Suggests Americans Play ‘A Rousing Game of Polo’ to Stay Active, Sane
The Tampa Bay Buccaneers finished removing air from all 1,340 of their practice footballs today after officially securing star quarterback Tom Brady for the next two years. “We’ve got that balls deflated down to 91% capacity, just like Tom Likes … Continue reading Buccaneers Finish Deflating Footballs in Preparation for Tom Brady’s Arrival
After the artists who created the Philadelphia Phanatic mascot asked to be compensated for their work, the Philadelphia Phillies went ahead and modified the character to avoid making a payout. The team says that other than adding a two-foot cock, … Continue reading Phillies Add Giant Cock to Phanatic to Avoid Copyright Infringement
President Trump served as the Grand Marshall at this year’s Daytona 500 yesterday. The race marked the 19th anniversary of Dale Earnhardt’s fatal crash at the same event and president Trump had harsh words for the deceased race car driver. … Continue reading Trump on Dale Earnhardt: ‘I Prefer Drivers Who Don’t Crash’
“If this will lift the curse from constructing Arrowhead Stadium on an Indian burial ground, then we’re willing to let it slide.” – Chiefs CEO Clark Hunt Continue reading Chiefs QB Patrick Mahomes Gives His MVP Trophy to a Nearby Native American Tribe
37 year-old Doug Martin of Torrance, California now deeply regrets inviting his parents over to his Super Bowl party after overhearing his mom Maurine Martin half-moan, half-whisper “I don’t care if he lost, that Jimmy Garoppolo can get it, get … Continue reading Son Overhears Mom whisper ‘That Jimmy Garoppolo Can Get It!’
The Houston Astros returned over 750 signs today that the team stole from various cities they played in during 2019. Continue reading Astros return pile of signs they stole last season
If you’ve ever considered training for a marathon, but you’re a bit intimidated by the idea of 26.2 miles, here’s some other, faster ways to destroy your body in the exact same ways. 1. Rub your nipples with sandpaper. Nothing … Continue reading Life Hack: 3 ways to ruin your body without having to train for a marathon
NBA fans are divided over a new camera angle that the league tested out during the Lakers vs Clippers game on Christmas Day. The view, which points the camera directly up players’ shorts when they are anywhere in the key, … Continue reading New camera angle used during Lakers vs Clippers game gave fans an X-rated view directly up players’ shorts
