The anti-food waste company Too Good To Go sells food that’s left over, or won’t be sold, through their app. The food, which comes from restaurants, bakeries and grocery stores, is delivered as a surprise grab bag of food that … Continue reading App Lets Eco-Conscious Users Buy Leftovers Instead Of Just Giving Food To The Homeless
Refusing to say exactly what’s in their tuna, Subway released an odd, rambling statement today in which the company attempted to reassure the public that their fishy product is not made from people. “The tuna is definitely not shredded-up people,” … Continue reading ‘Our Tuna Is Definitely Not Shredded-Up People’ Suspicious, Overly-Specific Subway Statement Reads
Senator Marco Rubio sent out an angry tweet today in which he flip-flopped the description of Marxism with that of capitalism. “Marxism divides people into oppressors or victims…” Rubio wrote. “Those in charge of the system then seize complete power … Continue reading Man Who Hates Marxism Still Too Angry To Look Up What It Is
A new Gallup Poll revealed today that nearly 100 percent of the general public isn’t concerned over why the extremely wealthy are trying so desperately to make it to outer space, and quickly. When reached for comment, Elon Musk said … Continue reading General Public Somehow Unconcerned As To Why The Wealthy Are Desperately Trying To Go To Outer Space
Critics are calling it “the most enjoyable finale in history” as the Keeping Up With The Kardashians reality TV show ended today with Caitlyn Jenner losing control of her car, running the family over, swerving off of a cliff and … Continue reading Immeasurably Satisfying Keeping Up With The Kardashians Finale Depicts Every Cast Member Dying
Jeff Bezos announced today that he will be flying to outer space next month on Blue Origin’s New Shepard Rocket in order to “get a better look at Earth” before deciding if he wants to buy it. The flight, which … Continue reading Jeff Bezos Going To Space ‘To Get A Better Look At Earth’ Before Potentially Buying It
Despite having already accumulated over $188 billion in wealth, an amendment has been added to legislation in the US Senate that will allow Jeff Bezos to receive another $10 billion from NASA — money that will most likely go directly toward … Continue reading ‘C’mon Jeff, Do You Really Need Another $10 Billion?’ Bezos Asks Himself Before Slowly Grinning, Laughing Maniacally In Mirror
The Food Network announced today that they have come to an agreement with Guy Fieri on a new contract after a two week long discussion and multiple doctor’s visits to check up on Fieri’s health. Because of test results, the … Continue reading Food Network Signs $80 Million Contract With Guy Fieri For 3-Years, Or Until Death By Heart Attack
The team formerly known as the Los Angeles Dodgers now bears a slightly-adjusted, new name and team mascot. Now recognized as the Dogers, after Dogecoin became the team’s new sponsor, the new mascot will be the a Shiba Inu dog … Continue reading Dodgers Move Forward With Name Change After New Sponsorship By Dogecoin
Photo credit Geoffrey Fairchild Continue reading ‘My Pleasure’ Chick-fil-A Employee Sobs At Gunpoint After Sauce Robber Says ‘Thank You’
Users of both Facebook and Instagram have reportedly been receiving a pop-up agreement with a cryptic message giving them the option to either share their worst secret, or be charged a fee to continue using the social media platforms. “To … Continue reading Facebook Threatens To Charge Users A Fee If They Don’t Share Their ‘Deepest, Darkest Secret’
The manufacturer of cocaine released a brief statement today cutting ties with their now-former spokesperson Donald Trump Jr. “We stand for responsible use of cocaine. A bump here, a line there. You know, a rail every once in awhile,” the … Continue reading Cocaine Drops Don Jr. As Official Spokesperson For Drug
It might be illegal, but top employers from around the country, including Walmart, Amazon, Kroger, Home Depot, and FedEx have started asking interviewees the screening question: “Who won the 2020 election?” The corporate decision to ask such a question comes … Continue reading Employers Now Asking ‘Who Won The 2020 Election?’ In Job Interviews To Weed Out Crazy Candidates
Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos is stepping down from his position in order to enter rehab for a severe case of money addiction and to help stop an ongoing identity crisis. Those close to Bezos say that for years the billionaire … Continue reading Jeff Bezos Enters Rehab For Money Addiction & Identity Crisis After Stepping Down As Amazon CEO
Former richest man in the world Elon Musk was overtaken today by Reddit user dildo_swaggins69 after the amateur investor managed to turn investments in Gamestop, AMC, and Dogecoin into more than $277 billion over the course of a week. When … Continue reading Elon Musk Loses ‘Richest Person In The World’ Title To dildo_swaggins69
