Unwashed Device Used To Masturbate Passed Around By Coworkers To Order Food

Continue reading Unwashed Device Used To Masturbate Passed Around By Coworkers To Order Food

financial crisis just what man needed to forget about emptiness and boredom

Financial Crisis Exactly What Man Needed To Forget About Crushing Emptiness & Boredom

35-year-old James Dewatt of Peoria, Illinois finally forgot about the emptiness and boredom that he’s been feeling for months on end today when he was fired from his job. Dewatt says losing his job immediately changed his state of mind. … Continue reading Financial Crisis Exactly What Man Needed To Forget About Crushing Emptiness & Boredom

sentient toothbrush wants you to throw it out already

Now Sentient, Toothbrush Screaming Internally to Be Thrown Out Already

(Topeka, KS) Now eight months past the American Dental Association’s recommended three month replacement period, 34-year-old James Simmons’ filthy, discolored toothbrush just gained consciousness and immediately began screaming internally to be put out of its misery. “Kill me now! I’m … Continue reading Now Sentient, Toothbrush Screaming Internally to Be Thrown Out Already

Cell Phone Covered in Coronavirus Waiting for Owner to Finish Washing Their Hands

(Portland, OR) Local woman Maria Sommers’ cell phone is currently covered in Coronavirus and patiently waiting in her pocket for her to pull it out for the 117th time today. Sommers, like most people, has no common sense or clue … Continue reading Cell Phone Covered in Coronavirus Waiting for Owner to Finish Washing Their Hands