(Portland, OR) Local woman Maria Sommers’ cell phone is currently covered in Coronavirus and patiently waiting in her pocket for her to pull it out for the 117th time today. Sommers, like most people, has no common sense or clue how futile her attempts are to keep the virus from touching her body.

As of press time, Sommers was about to put her phone up to her ear, cheek, and mouth to make a phone call.