Apple Releases iPhone Rotary with Real Crank-Dialing and Switchboard Operators


“Apple fans will buy it because they are, without a doubt, the biggest consumer whores on the planet,” CEO Tim Cook stated.


FaceTime Bug Causes Small Wormholes to Appear & Suck Up iPhones, Nearby Objects


“Simply put, Apple has accidentally created a shortcut through spacetime.”

FDA Approves iPhone Birth Control App


“It will sound like an airplane is taking off inside of the user’s vagina,” iBort creator Justin Swartzky stated.