A shocking, double-blind study released by Harvard, in collaboration with MIT, has revealed that all men who are homophobic are actually homosexuals themselves. The study, which was carried out over the course of 5 years and involved nearly 5,000 male subjects, is being accepted by the American Psychological Association as being “scientifically irrefutable.”
This lengthy, intricate study was conducted by the folks at the Harvard Center for Brain Science and incorporated proven Penis Responsiveness Technology (PRT) and Brainwave Function Reading (BFR) from leading scientists from the Biomimetic Robotics Lab at MIT.
The Penis Responsiveness Technology was created from an offshoot program with the Meshworm Soft Robotics sleeve which was fitted around each of the subjects’ tiny penises. It is capable of measuring blood flow, responsive twitches, and swelling. Meanwhile, Brainwave Function Reading system was set up with diodes attached to the different parts of the skull to read basic emotional responses in each part of the brain as stimuli was taken in by each subject.
Test subjects were then shown pictures of gay males in various affectionate scenarios of increasingly sexual nature. “We began with hand holding, cuddling, and kissing,” Head Researcher Maxwell Kow stated.
“Without fail, each and every person in the study who strongly expressed a dislike of LGBTQ+ individuals in the intake survey always had brain activity that showed feelings of confusion and extreme arousal,” Kow stated. “This was inevitably coupled with physical arousal to various degrees, but it was certainly significant enough to show that they have a desire to rub sweaty, hairy balls all over their face.”
The study also showed a direct, positive correlation between the degree of homophobia expressed in a subject’s survey and the decreased time it took the individual to produce a full-on, albeit tiny erection.
“If our findings make you angry, just know that it’s because you’re gay,” Kow concluded.
I cannot believe how many people read this article without understanding that it is a joke.
Before you start typing out an outraged response to an article, you have to check to see if it is satire first. The more angry the article makes you feel, the more you need to find alternate sources to back up what the article said. If the article seems remarkably outrageous, check various sections of the site that posted the article; many satire sites will have clues for you in various locations. In fact, if you just read the headlines of other articles available on the site, you might realize you are on a satire site before you start making accusations.
while there is some basis for the story, it is sadly distorted. the photos shown are from a study of near-infrared brain therapy for PTSD and traumatic brain injury in veterans of war. the position of the man’s hands incorrectly captioned in the photo are unrelated to the story being reported and the photos are lifted from a completely unrelated report. the actual study is old (1996) and may be seen here- http://psycnet.apa.org/journals/abn/105/3/440/
Geez, lighten up people! It’s called SATIRE!
My God! I cannot believe that some commentators actually took this article seriously. Are you stupid or what?
Yes, yes they are.
“Harvard Study Reveals That *All* Homophobic People Are Gay” Test subjects, all males. :/
No links and not even a single name mentioned in that “study” of yours? As much as I would like to believe that, since it is also my personal observation that many, or maybe most homophobes are self-suppressed homosexuals, publishing a fake story does not help your cause (if there is any) at all, it actually undermines it.
Out of scientific curiosity I tried searching for the study at the Harvard’s Center for Brain Science (here : http://cbs.fas.harvard.edu/search/node/kow ) and verified that the study indeed does not exist. So it’s a hoax.. And hoaxes like this gives fuel to homophobes to say to everyone of us that claim similar things that we are full of shit. Well done there. I hope the clicks were worth it..
Some bullshit
How about a link to the study, or at least a real citation? Grandiose claims require serious evidence, and you have not presented a citation adequate for me to judge your claims at all. Even though I feel like homophobes are most likely closet cases, I am working very hard at fact checking the things that confirm my biases, because that’s one of the greatest flaws of the Internet.
Hi Stephanie,
As a gay man I would certainly say that many homophobes are closet cases but NOT nearly all.
It is a common misconception to rationalize those who actively promote and try to restrict rights for LGBT people. But it fails to take into account the simple fact that some people are just brought up to hate that which they don’t understand or that which is different. Many homophobes hate because they just hate.
The APA has never stated that ALL homophobes are closet cases nor would they every say that because like scientists they would never speak in such absolute terms. The APA and all other recognized bodies have only gone as far as to say that many are closet cases but certainly not all, by any stretch of the imagination.
Hi Stephanie,
As a gay man I would certainly say that many homophobes are closet cases but NOT nearly all.
It is a common misconception to rationalize those who actively promote and try to restrict rights for LGBT people. But it fails to take into account the simple fact that some people are just brought up to hate that which they don’t understand or that which is different. Many homophobes hate because they just hate.
The APA has never stated that ALL homophobes are closet cases nor would they every say that because like scientists they would never speak in such absolute terms. The APA and all other recognized bodies have only gone as far as to say that many are closet cases but certainly not all, by any stretch of the imagination.
There isn’t much point in saying the science of such a study if it does exist is totally bogus I knew that from reading the title – “all”is a give away but there is also no point in denying that the actual premise is true, some of the comments here show that it’s not always the case people can and often do fear things that they are not ‘immorality’, but it’s also clear many have seen it, I have seen it not just in sexual orientation the loud public damning denouncing of something by people who have or are that something, what holds this together is shame. Shame is fear of what people will think about you one of the stupidest fears there is again fear is the mind killer, where there is fear there is mindless stupidity.
Ok I will have to debunk this study at least a little bit. did anyone think maybe the supposed subjects got hardons cos they got excited about bashing the people they were observing?
I am straight, experimented for a while when I was a teenager it was totally permissible for me to have been gay, just didn’t turn me on maybe if it had been taboo I might have been more excited by it
Give me the qualified periodical(s) containing what you call the “Harvard Study Reveals….” Don’t sell a hoax. Thank you.
Dingbat…