CNN Will No Longer Broadcast Anything About Trump

CNN announced today that any news relating to Donald Trump will be placed on their scrolling ticker starting Monday because none of their anchors or reporters can say “Trump” without vomiting.

Head of CNN Jeff Zucker explained:

“The bottom of your television will display short, blunt summaries of what President… of what President,” Zucker paused to hold back bile while gagging over a wastebucket and holding up one finger. “President Trump *violent reching* will be covered in the news, just not with sounds.” Zucker concluded just before throwing up blood.

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