Tag: riots
Arrested Capitol Attackers Now Wish They’d Worn Hoods Like Their Grandparents
Citing a lack of anonymity as being their primary mistake, countless arrested domestic terrorists who stormed the Capitol now say they regret not wearing white, pointy hoods like their grandparents had during riots past. “Collectively, we should have learned from … Continue reading Arrested Capitol Attackers Now Wish They’d Worn Hoods Like Their Grandparents
‘QAnon Shaman’ Banned from Furry Community After Capitol Insurrection
Rioters Destroy Police Station, Leaving Just Three More Poorly-Disguised Horcruxes
Despite deadly counter-charms and curses, another horcrux was destroyed by rioters in Minneapolis last night. Witnesses say that the horcrux, which was poorly disguised as the Third Precinct Police Building, tried to protect itself by apparating countless angry men from … Continue reading Rioters Destroy Police Station, Leaving Just Three More Poorly-Disguised Horcruxes
White People Long for Sports Championships to Resume So They Have a Reason to Riot Too
Countless white fans are itching for sports and their championship games to resume so that they have their own reason to loot and riot. One Philadelphia Eagles fan, Michael Hillard, says he’s been wanting to “fuck some shit up” for … Continue reading White People Long for Sports Championships to Resume So They Have a Reason to Riot Too