Jack Daniel’s to Use ‘What Would Jesus Do’ Acronym

The maker of the world’s most popular American whiskey – Jack Daniel’s – has announced that they will start using the acronym WWJD in their marketing. The company states that the WWJD stands for ‘Who Wants a Jack Daniel’s?’

The newer, and much shorter tagline replaces “Every day we make it, we’ll make it the best we can” – a slogan that is objectively awful.

While most casual drinkers are indifferent, and alcoholics remain aloof, several religious groups are up-in-arms over the new marketing ploy. As many may remember, WWJD was a popular phrase from the 1990’s that resulted in millions of religious hipsters buying and wearing – but ironically ignoring – the meaning of the WWJD emblazoned bracelets.

When reached for comment, the CEO of Jack Daniel’s Pauline Vargas spoke out about the backlash.

“We do apologize to anyone who may think that this is an offensive slogan, but maybe they should have a delicious glass of Jack Daniel’s to calm the fuck down,” stated Vargas, “Jesus turned water into alcohol, exclusively hung out with a bunch of dudes that fawned over him, and completely trashed a temple that was being used to sell items not much unlike those WWJD bracelets. So maybe they should revisit the whole WWJD thing and capitalism as a whole.”

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