California governor Gavin Newsom announced today that the state is considering passing an emergency law that can give complete immunity to drivers who strike and injure protesters with their cars on public streets. The move comes a day before a … Continue reading California Might Decriminalize Running Over Protesters Ahead Of Super Bowl
Activating his fight-or-flight self-defense mechanism, Kentucky Senator Rand Paul completely melted into the pavement last night while being confronted by protesters after the Republican National Convention. As a small crowd began to gather around Paul and grow more vocal, the … Continue reading Rand Paul Escapes Protesters By Melting Into a Puddle
Researchers are reporting that early trials with the drug chloroform have been successful in preventing the spread of COVID-19 by people refusing to follow social distancing rules. “The scientific community is optimistic that chloroform can help to subdue people who … Continue reading Chloroform Drug Trials Prove Successful in Subduing Those Refusing to Socially Distance
Sporting vibrant red lipstick and holding up signs offering free kisses, countless protesters in Huntington Beach, California and Springfield, Illinois completely ignored government social distancing rules over the weekend by gathering together and passionately planting kisses on one another. “This … Continue reading Protesters Set Up ‘COVID Kissing Booths’ in the Face of Government Warnings
